You Deserve It
by Mizz Blackshaw
Summary: Ellie wants to believe that all of the lost souls are happy in Heaven, but with the outbreak, Joel has a hard time believing. When they meet their Jackson City neighbors, they discover that the most challenging journey is a spiritual one, especially if they have to do it alone.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Before diving into the story, please understand that this is not to try and persuade anyone to do anything or challenge anyone's spiritual beliefs in anyway. This story does deal with some heavy subjects that mostly circle around faith and religion. If this offends you, it would be recommended to click away. At the end of the day, this is more of a literary project than a quick "Let's talk about our Lord and Savior" door-to-door thing. This is still a fanfic after all. And most importantly, I hope you enjoy something I've worked hard on and had fun to make. Please leave a review!

Chapter One

It was one of the best sleeps Joel had in years. Being stationed at Tommy's small utopia gave him the chance to really relax. That was until the crack of dawn when Ellie started coughing. At first, it was small, so he didn't mind it. She often woke up with her mouth dry because she started snoring. She was just as relaxed as he was. But then it turned into full on hacking and wheezing. Joel turned around to see if she was okay, but right before he did, she started vomiting.

"Ellie? Shit…" He got up right when she paused, gagging every so often. "You alright?"

She slowly shook her head before she heaved again. He ended up holding her hair back as she ruined the carpeting. He wanted to change it anyway.

When she finished, she croaked "I feel…like shit…"

He helped her out of bed to get her away from the mess and positioned her on the couch. Her forehead was hot but she shivered violently. "Just relax. I'm going to find Tommy. I'm sure he has medicine."

"Nooo…" She moaned.

"It's alright. I'll be right back."

"Joel…" He put the blankets on her, but she was still shaking. It reminded him of last winter. The worst winter. Except, he wasn't the one fighting for his life.

"Don't worry, baby girl." He told her, giving her a bucket he found in the bathroom. It was there when they settled in, and it's finally getting used. "I'll be back."

When he stepped out, the house across from them already had their lights on. Joel knew they weren't making that much noise, so he assumed they were early risers…or late nighters. He had no idea what time it was. Just in time, the woman of the house stepped out to greet the day or night. She gave him a wave. "Hey, Joel!" She said. "You're up early!"

"Morning." He greeted. "Uh…Amalia, right?"

She nodded. "How are you?"

"I'm actually looking for Tommy." He cut to the chase without being too hasty about it. The last thing he wanted was to let the whole neighborhood know Ellie was sick only to have them think it was the wrong kind of sick. "Do you know where he'd be at this time?"

She looked up and around to think. "Oh! He's probably at home or visiting The Wall. Is…everything okay?"

He looked back at their small broken house and back at her. "It's Ellie. She's pretty sick and I was hoping he'd have some medicine."

She gasped. "Oh goodness…"

"She's not _that_ kind of sick. But she's in bad shape."

"Bless her heart."

He nodded. Maybe her coming outside at the same time was a good thing. "Do you mind kind of watching over her until I get back? You don't have to…"

"Of course I'll do it! You go get that medicine. I know he has plenty."

"Thank you, ma'am." He gave her a pat on the shoulder before hurrying off. The smallish neighborhood was barely emerging. Most of the houses were still dark and quiet while a few lit up. Joel didn't know which place Tommy would be that sounded like the best answer.

He ended up going to The Wall first and asked around. It turns out that Tommy wasn't scheduled to come in until later. Just like when we were kids, Tommy was always the one to sleep in. He should've remembered. As soon as Joel got to his house, he was still barely waking up.

"Joel, do you have any idea what time it is?" He asked.

"I just need something." He didn't beat around the bush. "I need some medicine. Amalia said you had plenty."

He nodded slowly. "What's wrong? Did something happen?"

"Ellie came down with something last night. She's pretty hot."

"What happened?" Maria came out of the bedroom.

He let his brother inside and closed the door. "Where do we keep our medicine?"

"It's over here." She went into the kitchen and opened up a cabinet. "What kind are we looking for?"

Tommy pointed to a box. "Those'll do." He tossed it to Joel. "Whatcha think?"

He nodded. "These'll do. Thank you." He got up to leave but Tommy stopped him.

"Before you go," he said, "I need to tell you the rule."

He let out a breath in laughter. "For such a perfect place, you have plenty of rules."

"It's for the greater good, you can say." He said. "Anyway, even if Ellie's fever breaks tonight, she'll have to wait forty-eight hours before being able to see the other kids."

"I thought it was twenty-four hours." At least that was the rule at Sarah's school.

"That was before we stopped getting access to decent healthcare." He showed him to the door. "Take care of that girl of yours."

"I will." He said goodbye to him and his wife before heading home. The whole walk/jog there, he was wondering how this was going to affect Ellie's condition. Would her fever fight off any sign of the fungus? Would she no longer be infected? Would the whole decision he made to keep her away from the Fireflies be for nothing?

When he got home, he was more nervous than when he left. The thoughts circling around him didn't help. But that soon went away to what he saw inside. Amalia was singing in a low, soothing tone over Ellie as she stroked her hair. The smell of home cooking was everywhere, and it came from a huge pot on the stove.

 _You moved mountains,_

 _You caused walls to fall_

 _With Your power_

 _You perform miracles_

 _There is nothing that's impossible_

 _And we're standing here_

 _Only because you made a way_

Joel stayed by the doorway as she repeated the last two lines. Something about that song was familiar, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Ellie was completely at ease. From what he saw, she was on her lap, breathing steadily. That's when Amalia saw him. "Welcome back." She said. "I hope you don't mind, but I made you some soup. It's the same my great grandmother made during the Great Depression. It works since we're so limited, but I swear you wouldn't tell the difference."

"You didn't have to do all this…"

"What kind of friend would I be if I didn't?" She slowly maneuvered herself to getting off the couch. "I also cleaned up the bedroom so you don't have to worry about it." He checked for himself. It was like nothing happened. "The soup is yours, but I want to see what you think." She pulled him into the kitchenette and opened the lid. The steam alone was satisfying. When she took out her wooden spoon and gave him a taste, it was like heaven. It was warm, savory, and had a hint of spice.

"Your great grandmother would be proud." He said.

"Thanks! Well, I better go back before my family wakes up and sees that I'm gone." He thanked her again as he showed her to the door. As soon as she stepped outside, she turned back around. "Now, you know where I live. Don't hesitate to get me when you need me, hear?" She brushed his arm.

"Will do." He closed the door. He still wondered why she was up before the sun.

"Hey…" Ellie painfully rose from her position. "Where'd the gypsy lady go?"

He chuckled. "That was our neighbor." He said. "And she just came to check on you. Go on back to sleep." While she rested, he fiddled around with the TV, hooking up a DVD player to it. It was actually working thanks to the hydropower thing his brother helped make possible. There was one DVD that was already in it, which was a few episodes of one of his favorite shows. But even he dozed off watching it, not making it past the first scene.

What woke him up, however, was the grunted laughter of his partner. It was weak, but it was still joyful to hear. "What is this?" She asked. "It's funny."

"Just a show I used to watch." He said, rubbing his eyes.

They watched for a while. "They kind of sound like you." Ellie pointed out.

"It takes place in Texas. That's why." He answered.

"The quiet one reminds me of you too."

"Really?" She nodded. "There's a joke about how no one really understands what he says."

She scoffed. "No way." Right when she said it, the character started talking. All she heard were a bunch of mumbling followed by a "dang 'ol" or "man."

"What'd I tell ya?"

"Just like you."

"It's cuz you don't listen." They shared in a laugh before there was a knock on the door. He got up, keeping his eye on the screen until something else funny happened before opening it. This time, the sun was up. He wondered how long he was asleep.

"Hi, Joel." Amalia said. "I know I was just here, but I just wanted to see how you…and Ellie are doing."

Joel looked back at the girl. Ellie was comfortable in her bundle of blankets, watching TV. "She's fine." He answered. "Nothing really happened since you left."

She gave a nervous smile and said "Okay. I don't want to intrude or anything." She wasn't moving, so to Joel, it actually looked like she did want to intrude. At least a little. "It's just kind of lonely in the house. Darius and Jasmine are off…doing who knows what, and Dusty is on Wall Duty."

Ellie got up and went into the bathroom. Joel heard the door close and quickly whipped his head behind him. "Why don't you come in?" He knew that's what she wanted to hear, so he couldn't just tell her to leave.

"If you don't mind."

"I can say the same about your husband."

She shook her head. "Oh, no, honey! He's not my husband. My son, Darius, and I are just living with him and his daughter." She leaned in and whispered. "He actually plays for the other team."

"Then why live with him? I'm sure there are plenty of houses to go around."

She nodded in consideration. "But Dusty has the guns." She moved towards the couch. "You see, he saved me and my son. Before we got here, he found us trying to get out of the city." The whole time, she was blank-faced. Her eyes stared out. "He picked me up when I fell. Darius stuck behind us like glue. You should've seen it, Joel. He came out and shot these soldiers that were supposed to protect us. I was so scared, but he kept us calm. I owe my life to him." She let out a small laugh. "Well, you know what I mean. Anyway, I pay him back by helping to take care of his daughter. The day I tried to make a move, he confessed that he had someone else in mind." When Joel didn't ask, she said "He says your brother is quite the looker."

His eyes widened. "Tommy?"

She nodded. "Unless you have another brother."

"No ma'am."

"Those looks and manners surely run in the family." She crossed her legs when she saw his backpack (or his huge arsenal of weapons to be specific).

Ellie came out, wondering what kind of moment she stepped into. "Um…hi."

"Ellie, you remember Amalia?" He introduced.

She looked at the woman sitting down, waving at her. "Oh yeah. From earlier." She sat down. "I was so sure you weren't real. I mean, I was asleep."

"I'm glad that you're up and moving." She said.

"What's cooking, Joel?" She asked. "It smells good."

"It's actually the soup Amalia made. Let me fix you some."

"Thanks." She watched him get busy with that. At the time, she was shocked that it was actually soup and not some kind of spell.

Amalia instantly got sucked into the TV show. "Oh I haven't seen this in years!"

"It must be a classic." Ellie coughed.

"It is." They watched together. During one scene, one of the characters was unhealthily binging on Oreos, which made her look away.

"Man, look at him eat." She said. "He did the same thing with popcorn and cotton candy. It must've been crazy to be surrounded by so much food."

Amalia shook her head. "No, no, dear." She said as if he was eating live roaches. When Ellie never questioned, she had to explain. "When I was a little more than your age, I struggled so hard with my weight. It wasn't as bad as his, but back then, I would've said that I was. This was back when looks were everything. No one wanted to admit it, but it was. At least, that's what I thought. All these people wanted their women to be skinny and pretty. It was so hard for me that I just stopped eating like I should. And on some days I just couldn't go without food anymore, I'd scarf down unhealthy foods just like that. I'd shove it quickly like it was going to run away. Then I'd throw it all up."

"Before we got here, Joel and I saw this poster of this lady who was super skinny." Ellie said. "I even asked him why and he said that they did have food then but some chose not to eat it for the looks."

She nodded. "He's right. For me, especially, it was an eating disorder." She shook the thoughts from her mind. "But it was around that time that I found the Lord."

Ellie's eyes went wide just in time for Joel to come back with a good bowl for each of them. "Let's eat." He said. He and Ellie immediately started digging in, but Amalia was staring at it. Her lips were moving, but there were no sounds. Eventually, she started eating. Ellie and Joel exchanged a glance and went on to watching the show.

* * *

"What was with that woman?" Ellie asked when they were alone again. She took some medicine and shuddered as it went down.

"She's just finding something to do." Joel said as he finished cleaning the dishes.

"More like some _one_ to do."

"What? Really?"

She nodded. "She's pretty weird though. When you left, she chanted something over me."

"What?"

"I'm so serious. I wasn't hallucinating or anything." Her voice cracked when she tried to imitate her. "Don't take this child! May she come out of her sickness, fully ready to take on Your world! Give her the chance to live in Your glory!"

"She said that?"

"Yeah. Then she started singing like it was some sort of offering. I thought she was selling my soul."

"Don't be so dramatic."

"It's true." She coughed again. "I was…" She started hacking again.

"Take it easy, kiddo. You're getting excited." Joel handed her some water.

Ellie gulped it down before continuing. "She asked about your guns too."

"She was pretty surprised by it." He looked at the backpack. He noticed everything was all there. "Get some rest."

"I've been resting all day." She complained, going to grab the blankets anyway and moving to the bedroom.

Joel went to the window by the door to check on Amalia's house. Dusty came back with the kids, who looked to be around Ellie's age. He knew he shouldn't be suspicious. They were in a safe environment, Amalia's been watched the whole time, and she didn't try to kill him yet. But there was something off. Like the way she always knew he was watching.

She waved, causing the others to turn around. As much as he wanted to leave the window all together, he was already spotted, so he waved back before immediately moving away and back to the couch.

Joel was woken up the same way the next day. Ellie wheezed and hacked. This time, he was prepared with the bucket. "Shit." She muttered in between gags. "That medicine didn't fucking work."

"Just take it easy." He said.

She spat and wiped her mouth. "I don't feel good."

"I figured."

She lied back down. "The gypsy chant didn't work either."

"I can call her over if you want."

"Nooo…" She groaned.

Joel chuckled and washed her face with a cold, wet rag. There was a knock on the door. "Looks like she's already here."

"How can you tell?"

"Who else would come over here?" She sighed. "Don't worry. I'll get rid of her."

When he went to the door, he first checked the window to make sure it was her. Just as expected, Amalia stood there with a small basket. "Hi, Joel." She greeted cheerfully. "I just want to see how you and Ellie are doing."

"She's still running a temperature. We're just going to have a quiet day." He moved in to close the door, but she kept talking.

"I won't intrude." There was that word again. "I'll just give you this." She handed the basket to him. "It's a pie. An apple pie. It was another Great Depression recipe. The whole ration deal actually comes in handy nowadays, huh?"

"I appreciate it." He almost closed the door again.

"Also, I…wanted to invite you…I mean, ask you out."

This got his attention. He opened the door a bit wider. "What?"

"I know you're busy today and probably the next few days with Ellie's illness and all. But someday when you're free, we can cook a meal together." She gave him a half pleading smile. Her eyes darted over his shoulder. "Hi, Ellie!"

Joel turned around and saw Ellie stumbling towards the kitchen. She could be just as stubborn as he was. "Go on back to bed, kiddo."

She mumbled something and slowly headed back into the room. Amalia made a noise of satisfaction. "That's so cute. Do you mind if I pray over her?"

His eyebrow rose. "I would, but she's pretty sick. I wouldn't want you to catch anything…"

"It's no problem. We'll just pray out here."

"Uh…"

Before he could object, she held his hand tightly. "Lord, please hear our voice. Your daughter, Ellie, has fallen ill. We pray with all our hearts that she makes a speedy recovery and come out strong enough to complete the mission You gave her. Lord, we also pray that Your son, Joel, takes great care of her with Your wisdom and light. In Your name we pray, amen."

"Uh…amen."

She smiled brightly as if she was offered something great. "That was…a strong connection."

"Well, that was an amazing prayer." He nodded.

"Makes you really feel the true power of the Lord, huh?"

"Yeah." He said, half listening. Most of the time, he was planning his escape. "I think I should check on Ellie. It was nice praying with you, ma'am."

"Okay." She touched his arm again. "If you need anything or want to pray again, you know where to find me."

"Mama!" The boy, Darius, called from their porch. "Come on! We're going to be late!"

"Give me a minute, son!" She called back. Then she told Joel "I hope you'll consider it. The dinner I mean. Or we could do something else."

"Mama!"

"I should go. I'll see you later, Joel."

Joel just waved as she hurried across the dirt road. When he got back inside, Ellie was quick to ask "Was it her? What did she want?"

"It was her." He answered, reheating the pot of soup. "She asked how you were doing."

"Did you tell her the medicine doesn't work?" She asked as she came out of the bedroom.

"I got that from Tommy's. Medicine doesn't work right away. Especially after its expiration date."

"No wonder it tasted awful." She said. "So what else? She looked like she was asking you a bunch of stuff."

He shook his head as he served her a bowl. "She actually asked me out."

Her eyes widened. "Like on a date?" He shrugged a shoulder. "She did?!" She laughed.

"Why is that so funny?"

She started eating. "You being romantic."

"You say that like it's impossible." They both knew that it was. "Besides, she made us a pie and prayed over you."

"She what?" She asked in more disbelief than anything.

Joel nodded. "Yep. Prayed to the Lord and everything."

She slowed down, staring at the chunks of vegetables. "Do…Do you believe in that stuff?"

They stared each other in the eye for a while. Then, he slowly shook his head. "I used to."

All she could say was "Oh." A chill struck her violently, causing her to drop her spoon. "Shit."

Joel chuckled. "I'll close the window." Before he did, though, he stared at the sky. There were a few heavenly clouds. He wondered if there were angels on there, smiling down. He'd like to think one of them was Sarah. He slammed the glass pane down and locked it up.

That's when he saw Amalia and Darius. He was still smaller than her, so she wrapped a supportive arm around him. From the looks of it, they were going towards the Wall. Dusty and Jasmine followed them. Joel took note that he didn't have his guns. Where were they going?

Ellie picked herself up off her seat and hobbled to the window. "That's them?"

Joel nodded.

"But she's married. How did she…?"

"Ain't her husband." He put a hand on her shoulder and guided her away from the window. "Go on, now. Back to bed before the medicine knocks you out."

"But it doesn't work."

In a matter of minutes, she passed out on the couch. It was a good place for Joel to keep an eye on her, while he sat on the porch. It was a perfect day to pluck at his six-string. He played a simple tune, letting nature carry him. Amalia's family returned after an hour. Darius was ahead of his mother, who had her head down, walking slowly. Dusty gave her a pat on the back and a huge everything-is-going-to-be-fine smile. Jasmine even rubbed her back in a sympathetic manner. She told her something that sounded like "That was kind of scary."

Joel paused on his playing, wondering what was going on. He looked towards the huge wall. Everything looked normal. Nothing scary. So he went back to playing, knowing that it wasn't his business in the first place. Amalia didn't even turn to see him. She just went into the house. It was haunting in a way. Someone who was so full of life just didn't seem to have it after being gone for a little over an hour. What happened while they were gone?

He chuckled to himself at the thought that she prayed too hard. Or maybe she got yelled at for praying. That would be harsh. She could've just prayed over someone who didn't want to be prayed over.

"God, I fucking stink." He heard Ellie get off the couch and go into the bathroom. She actually had enough energy to take a bath. It got him to thinking that maybe the power of her prayers shouldn't be taken too lightly. But even if she did pray for Ellie's recovery, there was no way that would happen immediately. Not after just saying a few words, especially. But what really got to Joel was the other thing she said about fulfilling her destiny. What mission would Ellie be on if not with the Fireflies? Did she know?

Joel looked at the clouds again, trying to remember the last time he prayed, truly prayed. It had to have been when Sarah was in his arms. He begged for her to stay. He begged for her to get her next breath. But since it didn't work that way, he stopped believing. What kept Amalia going?

In the late afternoon, Joel read next to Ellie, who was all curled up on the other side. It was quiet until she woke up with a loud gasp. She swatted her arms as if she tried to defend herself from being taken. "Ellie!" He tried to hold her down, but she still swung her arms. "Ellie, it's okay. Baby girl, look at me."

Her eyes finally opened as she looked around frantically. Her breath was short for a while as she gripped Joel's arms tightly. "Joel…I…" She scanned the room again. "He… I don't…"

"Just breathe." He told her. "I'm right here. It's just me."

She looked him in the eyes as she took a deep breath. "I saw someone… I mean, I thought I did. Someone touched me."

"Who? In your dream?"

"I don't know." Joel noticed how tight her grip still was as she continued. "It felt so real, Joel. I thought he was going to take me."

Joel gave a nervous, empty breath of laughter. "You must've been dreaming."

She nodded slowly, accepting the reasoning and loosening her fingers. "There was a man…and I think a woman. She was…" She wiped the sweat from her forehead. "She was telling me to stay…"

"Did you recognize her?"

She shook her head. "She was behind this bright light. I couldn't see her face."

He didn't want to admit how creepy it sounded. But that was until he remembered she had a fever, so it was probably part of a fever dream. He wiped some of the sweat from the apples of her cheeks. "That must've been some dream." He said, feeling her forehead. But what added on to the weirdness was the fact that her skin was no longer warm. The same with her cheeks and under her chin. Her fever was gone. "How are you feeling?"

"A little thirsty." She answered honestly. "A little hot."

"Let me get…"

"I can get my own water." She got up. "It's so weird having you do so much for me."

He shook his head. She had no idea. She wasn't there when Amalia squeezed his hand and prayed for her recovery that morning. The sun was barely up when she nearly wailed at the Lord, and in only few hours, Ellie recovered. She was walking almost normally, getting and drinking her own water. She chugged it down as if she was deprived. Then again, she probably was. It was as if she received new life. But there was no way Amalia called for a miracle. That didn't make sense to him. Out of all the miracles he asked for, why was that the one to actually come true?

Joel even went through all the reasons. Maybe Ellie's a fast healer? That would've made more sense before the Cordyceps outbreak. Maybe the medicine had a great effect on her. Maybe there was something in the soup that was great for the immune system. Maybe Amalia has gotten to him, fucking up his whole philosophy on life.

"So," Ellie sat back down, "after a good bowl of soup, a bath, and medicine equals the best nap. I feel like I could've slept through a hurricane!"

"You snored like one too." He joked. At least he knew there was a logical explanation.

"Did I rattle the walls?"

"Surprised the house's still standing."

She chuckled, which turned into a coughing fit. "I need to open the window."

"Alright."

Ellie struggled at first to open the window. "It feels so good outside." She said, remembering she hadn't been out in a while. Without Joel even seeing, she stepped out and sat on the porch. There was no harm in breathing a bit of fresh air.

"Ellie!" Amalia called from her window. She had a pie cooling on the windowsill like they did in the old movies Ellie watched. "How are you, honey?"

"Pretty good." She said. "How are you?"

She put up a finger for her to wait there before stepping out. "Did you get to taste the pie I sent? I know Joel probably wouldn't let you until you were all better, but don't let him take all of it."

"Okay." She said. "I kinda wanna thank you for taking care of me."

"Oh, it's no problem. What kind of neighbor would I be if I didn't?"

"Joel thanks you too." As soon as she said that, Amalia lit up.

"He said that?"

Ellie didn't know what she walked into after hearing how excited she was to hear from Joel. She could've told the truth and said that he only wanted to. But she decided differently. "Yeah. He really can't stop talking about the soup you made. Did you make it from scratch?"

"I did." She blushed. "I'm glad you like it."

"And it made me feel so much better too." She said. "My headache went away."

Her eyes widened. "Really?" She sounded even more excitement. "I always knew the Lord is always watching over us! I'm so glad He heard our prayer!"

Ellie became just as confused as Joel. She was going to say it was a very good nap, but maybe, whoever (or whatever) this Lord was, maybe He wasn't so bad. "Um…about that…" She started playing with her fingers, contemplating what she wanted to say.

"Yes, dear?" She came up and put her hands on hers.

Ellie looked down at how firm she held it. "I just…don't know much about prayer." She let her continue. "I don't understand how it works."

"The concept is pretty simple." She said. "It's how we talk to God."

"And you're positive that someone out there is listening?"

She nodded. "Honey, I have to be. I've learned that in this world, there isn't anyone you can trust more than our Heavenly Father."

"Even now?"

"Especially now." She said. "The things we face now are bigger than us, so we have to ask Him for help. The Bible says that we must pray ceaselessly, and that's exactly what I plan to do, baby!"

Ellie looked at the sky as if she could see God looking down. "Doesn't that scare you? Just knowing that there's someone up there more powerful than you or me or even Joel?"

She nodded. "Uh huh. He's bigger and more powerful than anyone can imagine. But just know that He's watching you to protect you, to carry you, to love you. Ellie, you're a very special girl. He told me that you are important. Do you feel important?"

She slowly took her hands back. Somehow Amalia knew what happened in Salt Lake City. Was she a Firefly ready to take her back? Was she part of David's crew? She couldn't be. They were safe here. At least that's what Joel and Tommy said.

"I…I don't know." She tried to keep her eyes away from her the bite on her arm. If she did, Amalia definitely would know what's up. "I guess so." She hugged her arms.

"Are you okay? You seem a little…withdrawn. Are you cold?"

She shook her head. "No, I just…"

"Mama?" Darius called from the other side. "Mama, there's no more apples. Can I pick some more?"

"Be careful, and bring Dusty with you."

"But, Mama, I wanted to go with Giselle." There was something familiar about the way Darius spoke. His voice was pretty deep and squeaked at times, but it didn't ring any bells to Ellie just yet.

"I want you to pick some for our new friends, and I don't think Giselle can carry a whole basket of apples."

Ellie would've said that he didn't have to, but she was planning her escape. As Amalia and Darius discussed it, she could've slipped back inside.

"Can I bring her along anyway so I can have someone to talk to?" He asked.

"Boy, you should be talking to him!"

Ellie was closer to the door handle. When Amalia turned around, she took her hand back in a flash.

"I don't think you've met my son." She said, putting her hands on her shoulders. "Darius, this is Ellie. She's friends with Tommy and his brother, Joel."

"Hi." She said.

"Nice to meet you."

"Maybe next time you two can go together. Ellie would need to know where to get fresh apples."

"Okay." He went into the house.

"That boy." She said. "I believe you guys would be great friends."

"He seems nice." She said.

Without warning, Amalia gave her a tight hug. "You're so cute, you know that?" She started humming at first. But then she pulled out some lyrics to sing.

 _Hold on sister,_

 _You got to know that you will fly again_

 _Hold on, everything's gonna be alright_

 _My brother,_

 _You got to know that you will rise again_

 _Just stand, and fly again_

With her voice so gentle and yet powerful against her, Ellie felt an odd sense of comfort. She put her arms around her and squeezed back. It was then that Ellie wanted to tell her about her dream. She wanted to know what she had to say about the man that tried to take her. But it was also then that Amalia pulled away. "I need to make sure my pie didn't get eaten yet. I see Dusty making a move." She said her goodbye and hurried back across.

"What are you doing?" Joel popped his head outside and asked. "Who was that?"

"Amalia." Ellie answered, coming inside. "Now that I'm feeling better, you can go on that date."

"Whatcha talkin' about? You're still sick as a dog." He met her on the couch.

"You're awful. You know you can't use that excuse forever." She laughed back. "But you should seriously do it. She's so nice…and lonely."

"And it's my job to entertain her?"

She shrugged. "If you want to put it that way, then yeah."

He shook his head. "Nope."

"Come on. You deserve it too. When's the last time you had a date?" He didn't say anything for a while. "Or maybe I should say: when's the last time you hung out with anyone around your age?"

"I was with Tommy the other day."

"Family doesn't count."

"Well, what's your excuse?"

"Tommy has the 48-hour rule. Otherwise, I'd be out there with her kids."

This took him aback. She was actually ready to get this close to her family. "If it's just hanging out, I'd consider it."

"Then consider it. She can call it whatever she wants, and you can call it whatever you want. At the end of the day, it's just the two of you making dinner." Joel had to remember that Ellie sometimes surprised him with how smart she was. At that age, she was pretty mature. "And after dinner, you can go to the bedroom and make dessert." Sometimes. She was mature sometimes.

Joel took a pillow and tapped her head. "No."

She laughed. "Well, that's too bad. She's nice." She coughed. "And she's a good cook."

She had a point. But Joel couldn't find it in himself to agree to a date. His last romantic relationship… He didn't even want to think about it.

The next morning, Joel woke up to Ellie coughing again. He knew only a prayer wouldn't work! But when he rushed over with the bucket, he didn't need it. He was pretty glad that he wouldn't have to spend half an hour cleaning it, but that only meant Amalia was right. "I'm okay." She said, getting her breath back. "My mouth is so dry." She forgot to put a glass of water next to her so she can start the day by hydrating herself.

By this time, Amalia would've been at the door or at least in the area. But she never came over. Maybe it was over. Ellie was feeling better, so she didn't have to come over. Joel peaked out the window to see what was up. The house was still, no life could be found. He didn't mean to keep tabs on her, but he couldn't help but to be curious.

"Hey, Joel?" Ellie stepped out of the bathroom. "Can I tell you something?"

"Of course, baby girl. Shoot."

She met him by the window. "When we were talking yesterday, me and Amalia, she said that… She said God said to her that I was important."

"What do you mean? That she's important or that you are?"

"Me, Joel. What if she knows?"

He gave a small breath of laughter. "No, she doesn't know. If she did, she'd say something."

She shrugged, unconvinced. "Then, I had another weird dream." She sat down at the table. "You were there. She was there. And Marlene. Tess, too." She paused to remember. "And a woman with red hair. And…Riley…" She closed her eyes. "Sam, Henry, and…Sarah."

His eyes widened as he sat down in the opposite chair. "All those people?"

She nodded. "You and Amalia were trying to keep me in Jackson. I was floating away and you guys were grabbing my feet. Your daughter was pointing at me and waving for me to come with her." She did so to demonstrate. "She had on this white dress, and Sam had this robe thing. He was telling me that it didn't hurt. I didn't know what it meant. Henry just stood there on a cloud. He didn't want to help. Riley was with Sarah and Marlene was with that other woman. Tess reached out her hand like she was ready to pull me up. They really wanted me to join them. Then, Amalia let go. She was waving at me to go. You fought like hell to keep me here.

"But then, that man came back." She continued. "He pushed me down and into your arms." She shook her head. "He never said anything, but it was like he was saying 'Not yet.' That's when I woke up."

Joel was quiet for a while. She wondered if he was still listening, but the truth was he was sort of angry. How could Amalia do that? First she comes into her life, prays over her, let's her have weird dreams, and then lets her go to her symbolic dream heaven? He didn't know what to say except "I'm sure it didn't mean anything."

"I don't know. I never really remember my dreams. That was the one that was just scary. Especially because it was the second time I saw that woman. I know it was the same one from before."

"No, that's… Who do you think it is?"

She shrugged. "Someone. I really can't recall anyone I know with red hair and green eyes…"

"Not even you?"

She was quiet.

"Maybe your fever came back." He felt her forehead, but it was normal. What did it all mean?

She sniffed. "Maybe I do need to relax. Luckily, I have plenty of reading material." She went into his backpack and pulled out all of the comic books he found her.

Joel watched her go into the bedroom. The whole time, he was contemplating that dream. Was the Lord saving her, or was He telling her she was going to die soon? There was a knock on the door, taking him out of his thoughts. He knew Amalia always had perfect timing. Except she wasn't at the door alone. When he opened it, it was her and Darius with a big basket of apples.

"Hi, Joel." He said shyly. "These are for you and Ellie."

"Thanks, son." He accepted it. "You sure picked a lot."

"They're in season, sir."

"Once the guys start picking, they never want to stop!" She said. "And they always get the best ones. He also wanted to know how Ellie is doing."

"Is Ellie feeling better yet?" He asked.

Joel could tell he was concerned just like his mother. "She's still recovering." He answered. "I'll let you know when."

"Okay. Thank you."

"Go ahead and help Dusty clean up." She told him. "I'll be over in a minute."

"Okay, Mama."

As the boy ran back to his house, Amalia stared at Joel with a huge smile. "So I didn't just come here to give you apples."

"You didn't?" He stepped inside to put the basket on the table.

"I wanted to talk to you about Ellie."

Joel looked towards the bedroom door to make sure Ellie had the door closed. "Sure. Come on in." In his mind, he knew it couldn't go well. No one just wants to _talk_ about your child unless it's something problematic.

"It's really not a huge problem." She said already taking her seat on the couch. "She asked me some deep questions."

"She does that."

"Does she ask you about God?"

He shook his head. "It's not my department."

She laughed nervously. "I probably stressed her out."

"She's been having weird dreams." He told her. "Most of them had to do with ascending to Heaven."

"It sounds like she's finding herself spiritually." When he didn't say anything, she explained. "When it happened to me, I had a dream that I was giving Jesus and the Virgin Mary gift baskets. One of them was blue and the other was pink." She laughed a little more relaxed. "It's just something we go through."

"I've never been through it." He admitted it so plainly. It was as if he was challenging her.

"Oh, don't worry. It's unique for everyone." She said. "Do you want to pray…?"

"No." He said. "I don't want to pray about it. The whole thing has gotten out of hand."

"What?" She was taken aback. "Out of hand?"

"I know you mean well, but I'm just…not…" He didn't know how he was going to complete the sentence without being completely harsh. She was an unarmed woman. "I'm not sure I still believe."

She stared for a second before grabbing his hands. She held them tightly against his knee. "I know it may seem impossible, but His power is real. You may have not been called just yet, but I know what you're going through."

"Do you?"

"Yes. I've been there."

"Really?"

"Yes!" She said. "When I had my eating disorder, I was wondering why God couldn't see me suffering, but He did and…"

"No offense, but this…" He gestured around the whole world. "…is a lot bigger than starving yourself so boys can like you."

She let go of his hand. The way she surrendered was enough for Joel to want to apologize. Want. But Amalia was persistent. "It is. That's why I believe we need Him more than ever. One day, he's going to send us the cure. The human race will thrive again just as He wanted!"

She was just an unarmed woman that made pies and still believes in Jesus. That's what Joel kept telling himself. There was no way she was some undercover Firefly or smuggler. He had to say something before she got suspicious. "In this world…with all that has happened, there isn't a lot of good happening."

"But you're wrong." She turned so that she was fully facing Joel. One leg was on the couch, while the other dangled off. She was completely open. If she was out to get them, she would've made a move to kill him. Since she wasn't, Joel was intrigued and mirrored her position. "I thank God every day for your brother and his wife. They made this community happen. And I know you're grateful for meeting Ellie. I know I am. I'm grateful to have met you too."

He didn't know how to react to that. He just turned back to the correct sitting position and crossed his arms.

"Aren't you grateful for being here?"

"I know what you're trying to do." He said. "I've lost too much for a few kind words to make me forget it all."

"Honey, you don't have to forget anything. You can get mad at your past. But you have to trust…" She stopped herself. It was as if someone turned her off. She turned back around. "I'm sorry. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. That even means believing in the Lord. But what if Ellie wants to believe?" He was quiet. "What would you tell her?"

He shrugged. He remembered how she reacted when he said he didn't believe. It was as if she was disappointed. Maybe she did want to believe there was a heaven, and the one person she had to go to didn't. "It's a good thing she feels comfortable talking to you."

They were quiet for a while. Amalia could've left at any moment, but the fact that she stayed meant there was something to get off her chest. "I was so certain that the day you showed up here…" She giggled a little. "It's kind of silly." She wiped her eye. "I thought that when you came in with your friend, you looked like a superhero. You came in scratched up and bruised with your huge backpack of weapons. Ellie too. I asked about you. Tommy said you were traveling all over the country with that girl. From Boston to Jackson to Eastern Colorado to Salt Lake City back to Jackson. You've been through so much." Joel nodded in agreement. "And as soon as I knew that, I asked God. We talked for a little while, and he told me to be careful with you, not because you're dangerous but because you're broken."

"Is that so?" He wanted to challenge that last statement, but there was no point. She had the God card and she used it frequently. There was no way he could compete with that.

"That's what He said. So I waited to talk to you."

"So you knew me, prayed about meeting me, and here we are."

"Exactly. Isn't it amazing?" He thought about it. "Out of all the moments we could've met, God brought us together at the perfect time."

He chuckled. "Yeah, the day where Ellie vomits all over the floor is the perfect day for us to meet."

"But would you've spoken two words to me if you didn't need me?"

There it was again. Amalia knew exactly how to confuse him. He questioned to himself first if there was a way she could've been wrong, but he didn't know. "I guess not."

She faced him again and touched his arm. "Joel…" She pierced her lips together. He faced her and waited patiently for the rest of the sentence. "I'm just…so glad you're my friend. We are friends, right?"

He was pretty sure there was something more she wanted to say. "Yes." He said.

"I really didn't mean to step on your toes or anything. I'm sorry for not keeping my mouth shut. That Ellie…"

"Hold on." He put up a hand to stop her. "You're not at fault. If anything, I should let Ellie believe how she wants to. I can't control that." Hearing that made her smile. "I'm glad we got to meet someone who was a bit more positive."

She moved a bit closer. Their knees were almost touching. "And I'm glad you feel that way."

"So since you've done so much for us, you let us know what we can do for you."

"I need you…"

Her hand slowly moved towards his. Joel didn't move. Her lips curled into a smile as she started singing.

 _I fail, again_

 _I fall, I fall so short_

 _You know, You know my end_

 _From the start, You know my heart_

 _I need You…_

By the end of the chorus, Joel was pulled in like a sailor to a siren's song. She rubbed his hand with her thumb in tiny circles. He put his free hand on her knee. They moved in, barely making enough room for Jesus.

"AA-CHOO!"

They jumped and froze in place as Ellie came out of the bedroom sniveling. "God bless you." Amalia was quick to say.

"Thanks." She said, not paying attention to them on the couch. "Whoa, look at all these apples!"

"Help yourself." Joel told her with his eyes still on Amalia.

They were still, their hearts beating as Ellie washed off her snack. The whole time, Joel was wondering what was happening. Was he willing to forget his past for something that was literally in front of him? Amalia kept rubbing his hand. Maybe it was right. Maybe she was right.

Ellie sneezed again as she headed back to the bedroom. "God bless you." Amalia said again.

"Thank you." She said before closing the door.

The second he heard Ellie's grip release from the other side and the latch click, Joel went off his primal urges and kissed Amalia. He was surprised to notice that she was pulling him closer to her as well. After a while, he wanted to pull away. Since Amalia was so religious, there had to have been a limit to how far she was willing to go. But every time he did, she would bring him back in.

"Hold on." He said, finally able to catch his breath.

"Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry." She fixed her hair and shirt. "That was pretty…pretty…"

 _Good?_ He thought. "It's okay. I mean, it's better than okay. I wanted to know if this was appropriate…"

"Come with me to The Wall tomorrow." She said. "Please?"

There was a sense of urgency and pleasure in her voice. It was as if she'd die if he didn't say yes, but at the same time, if he did, she'd explode with happiness. "Okay."

She clapped and gave his a quick peck on the lips. "Thank you so much!" She wrapped her arms around his neck and squeezed tightly. It was the same way Sarah did when he surprised her with Dawn of the Wolf movie tickets. But instead of going to see a stupid teen movie, he agreed to going to The Wall for some reason. What was even there besides guards?

He patted her back until she decided to let go. "Just tell me what I need to do…or bring."

"Just bring Ellie." She said. "You don't even have to dress fancy. Just you two come with us."

Another loud sneeze came from the bedroom. "And you're sure I should bring Ellie?" Joel asked.

"She'll be fine. I'll make some more soup, give her a steamy shower and a good night's sleep, and she'll be just fine."

"Alright then."

As soon as he gave her the word, she started on her famous soup. Joel watched her go back and forth, getting ingredients from everywhere. She did so much for him to stay. He was the same way with Tess when they met. She knew all the rules to surviving in this world while Joel was her assistant. Now, Amalia trusted Joel for some reason.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you for coming back for chapter two! I encourage you to give me some feedback by reviewing below. It does make a difference, even if you don't have an account.

Chapter Two

Ellie woke Joel up the next morning with a loud gasp. It was as if she was granted new life. "Ellie, what is it?" He asked.

"We have to go." She sprung up and started changing, not caring if Joel was there to see or not. "We're going to be late."

"Shit…" Joel rolled over and put on some pants. He almost forgot about the early morning trip.

"Come on. Let's go." She put on a collared shirt with long sleeves. "Is this okay?"

"Who cares?"

"I don't know, but I'm sure someone would." She said. She licked her hand and ran it across her hair.

Joel shook his head. "Amalia said don't worry about it."

"We're meeting her family too. I don't want to meet them to see me looking like shit. Or…crap."

"Are you watching your mouth, young lady?"

"Uh…yeah." She said sheepishly. "I don't want them to get the wrong idea."

"That you curse like a sailor?"

She only frowned at his statement before leaving to brush her teeth. She made sure she was clean and ready for the knock at the door. "They're here." She said.

"Let me get it." He said.

"And no weaponry. I don't think we need it."

He stopped and turned towards her. "Will you calm down?" He put a hand on her shoulder and guided her towards the front door. "Everything will be fine. We're just going to The Wall."

"Okay." She took a deep breath. "But when we come back, I want some of that pie."

When he opened the door, Amalia greeted them and introduced them to the family. "You remember Darius. Here's Dusty and Jasmine."

"It's nice to meet you." Dusty gave them a handshake.

"Likewise." Joel said.

Ellie and Jasmine shared an awkward smile. Well, Ellie was awkward, while Jasmine looked at her warmly. She opened her arms and pulled her into a welcoming embrace. It was as if she already knew her. It was familiar.

"I'm glad you're coming with us." Darius said.

"Is it that bad?" She asked.

"No. It's 'cuz Mama said that everyone has family on the Outside. It's good to pray for them to come here where it's safe."

Ellie wondered if she had someone on the other side. Maybe a cousin or an uncle. But she was fine with just Joel. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"And even if you don't, we like to pray for the others' family members." Jasmine added. "I've been hoping that Amalia and Darius's cousins come home for the longest."

"Are you sure they'll come?" Ellie had to ask.

"They have to." Darius said as The Wall was approaching.

Jasmine held her hand. "Come on. Just do what we do, okay?"

She nodded and followed her. Joel saw how nervous she was and reached to touch her, but Ellie hurried to follow the kids. Amalia grabbed the free hand and began humming joyfully. "We're almost there." She told him.

When they got there, Darius and Jasmine went straight up to the gate and knelt down. Ellie, of course, knelt between them, mirroring their position: on their knees, hands clasped. Amalia was behind them, holding hands with Dusty and Joel. "Ready?" Dusty asked.

Amalia nodded. "Darius, do you want to go first?"

"Okay." He said. "Lord, please give our families refuge as they journey from the Outside to Inside. Uh… Oh yeah! And guide them to the right place. Keep them healthy and safe. Especially my little cousin, Sam."

Ellie glanced at him when she heard the name. Maybe it was a coincidence. The rest of them said "Amen."

"Good job." Amalia said before she took over. "Lord, we come to You to call our cousins, Henry and Sam, to come home." Joel and Ellie shot a look at each other, wondering if they should say something. Joel knew she was going to continue anyway, so he shook his head. "We are eternally grateful for what You have given us, so we know You will provide a great home for them."

"Joel, Ellie, would you like to add something?" Dusty asked.

"I'm good." Joel answered.

"Uh…" Ellie began. "I want to say…" She felt Jasmine rub her back. She took a deep breath. "I'm not really that good at praying, but I just want to say thank you…God, for bringing us here and meeting our new friends." She sighed in relief.

"Amen." The others said.

"My Hallelujah belongs to You." Amalia sang. "My Hallelujah belongs to You."

They stood up and held hands, repeating the lines. All except Joel and Ellie, who held hands, but didn't sing. Their excuse was that they didn't know the words even though the same the same line four times.

 _You deserve it_

 _You deserve it_

 _You deserve it_

 _You deserve it_

 _All of the glory belongs to You_

As they sang, other families joined them. It made Joel a bit uneasy, but Ellie was engaged and open to the experience. One woman sang loud until she full on started screaming "Yes, Jesus! Thank You, Lord!" It was as if she was being shot. Joel looked around in paranoia. She wasn't hurt. Just screaming.

 _Hallelujah_

 _All the glory_

 _All the honor_

 _All the praise_

 _You deserve it_

When they finished, a lot of families stayed while they left. Jasmine was the first to ask Ellie "How was it? I hope you don't think it's scary or anything."

She shook her head. "Naw. It's cool. I didn't realize there were so many people, you know, missing their families. That woman was in a lot of pain."

"Mama said that when she'd go to church, it was kind of like the same thing." Darius said. "Except there would be a lot more people screaming and catching the Holy Ghost."

"What the… I mean, what does that mean?" Ellie asked.

"It's the scariest thing." Jasmine said. "Amalia caught it last time. Her eyes rolled up, she started shaking, and Daddy had to help her to the ground. That woman was about to catch it too. But they say it like it's no big deal."

"If you catch the Holy Ghost, you have to tell me what it's like." Darius said.

"How do they catch it?" Ellie questioned.

"You get chosen." Jasmine said it as if it was obvious.

"What are you kids talking about?" Amalia asked.

"Mama, can Ellie come with us to the Children's Center?" Darius asked. It was the place where a lot of kids met up, played games, and just enjoyed themselves.

Ellie looked at Joel in a pleading manner. "I don't know." He said. "She's still getting over the flu."

"I'm fine though." She told him. But Joel gave her a look that meant his word was final. "Maybe in a little while. I'm not used to waking up so early, and I could use a nap."

Joel nodded at her attempt to compromise. "And maybe after you guys can do something…a little less physical, yeah?"

"Yeah!" All three of them chirped in excitement.

Amalia made that noise of satisfaction. "Now, kids, I don't want you wearing this girl out, hear?"

"Yes, ma'am." They both said.

"I could use a nap too." Jasmine said. "It feels so nice outside, I could sleep with the window open."

"Well, alright then." Joel put a hand on Ellie's shoulder and guided her towards the house.

"See you later, guys." Ellie waved.

In the bedroom, Joel sat against the headboard with one of Ellie's comic books in hand. So far, Book 1 wasn't that bad. Meanwhile, Ellie took off her good shirt and pants in place of a huge men's shirt. It was one of Joel's undershirts that "mysteriously" disappeared. She crawled in next to him and wrapped herself in all the blankets.

"I'm so glad that's over." She said.

"You don't need to impress them." He said. "They're already impressed."

She sighed as she settled in. "Do you like it?" She asked, referring to the book.

"Yeah, it's pretty good." He shifted his position to get a bit more comfortable. Ellie was close enough to rest her head on him.

Naturally, he pulled her in wrapped a protective arm around her. "What part are you on?" Joel positioned it so she could see. "Oh, I hate that part."

"Why? Something bad's gonna happen?"

"I'm not going to spoil it." She watched him read for a little while. "I'm glad we went, though."

"Yeah, about that…" He said. "You sure made me look like a chump, praying when I didn't."

She could tell he was joking, so she said "I'm glad I prayed for the both of us then."

"I guess I'll let you handle it from now on. You being better with words and all."

"I'm glad you finally admit it, Boomhauer." She closed her eyes and rested on him.

He was still as she was falling asleep. Eventually, he didn't know if she was awake when he mumbled something close to "I'm proud of you." That's when he saw her mouth form into a smile.

* * *

Ellie took a deep breath before knocking on the door. She saw that Joel was still right behind her. Then, Jasmine opened the door and greeted Ellie with a hug. She waved to him to tell him she was okay before going inside.

"I'm glad you can come over." Jasmine said. "I was about to do my hair. Do you want to see my room?"

The first thing Ellie noticed with all the salvaged pictures of God on the walls. There were so many crosses too. It felt warm from the food cooking in the kitchen. Then she realized Jasmine was talking. "What?"

"Do you want to see my room?"

"Sure." She followed her to the room. There was only one bed with a dresser that actually wasn't broken. Everything was bare and simple, but there were several things on top of the dresser. One of them being a huge piece of a broken mirror.

"I tried to make this place look like the magazines as much as possible." She said, showing her a _Seventeen_ magazine from 2008. "I just need more of these crazy pillows."

Ellie looked around in complete awe. "You…have your own room!"

"Yeah." She laughed. "You don't?"

She shook her head. "We only have one bedroom for now. It's mostly mine, but sometimes we share."

"That's how me and my dad were at first. We were going to be separated from Amalia and Darius, so we had a place with one bed. Dad made sure I was protected at all times, so he kept me in the bedroom. At first, he'd sleep with a gun in the living room." She positioned the broken mirror piece to sit on the wall.

"Even here where it's safe?"

"Yeah." She took her ponytail holder out. "I guess he was still a little paranoid."

Ellie watched her run her fingers through her hair. It was so big and curly. It wasn't as curly as Amalia's but the strands could fit a finger inside them. "I honestly wouldn't have believed that you were related."

"Yeah. It's cuz I'm adopted." That would explain her darker skin and hair. "Check this out." She pulled out what was supposed to be a brush. It was actually a wooden paddle with things sticking out for bristles. "I made it myself out of tape, bobby pins, and some wood that Daddy carved. It really works." She showed her anyway.

"That's pretty cool."

"If you want, I can do your hair."

She touched her thin red strands. "You don't have to. It's pretty gnarly."

Hearing that made her giggle. "I bet I can handle it. Come on, sit down." She patted the spot on the bed in front of her.

"Okay." Ellie sat down. "But don't say I didn't warn you."

"Please. You've never seen my hair on a bad day." She took off the ponytail holder. "I really like your hair color. If hair dye was still around, I'd be all over that!"

"Thanks."

Jasmine was gentle as she worked her fingers through. "Let me know if it hurts, okay?"

"I barely feel anything." She watched her work from the mirror. The way Jasmine smiled down on her made her feel nurtured. "I know I'm full of questions, but I have a big one."

"Go ahead."

She thought for a second, playing with her fingers. "There's this kind of stereotype that…churchgoers don't like…"

"Gay people? Sinners? Anyone who isn't a churchgoer?" She scoffed. "Yeah, but there's no need to worry. I say that people who actually _are_ churchgoer would love anyone no matter what. That's why Amalia let us into her home. Well, especially Dad."

"Oh."

She went back to finger combing before going in with the brush. "So you know about me and my family. Tell me about you. Where are you from?"

"Boston." She said. "Not much was going on there. I was in a military preparatory school at the Quarantine Zone where they had all the bad kids."

"Bad kids?" She scoffed again. "That's not true. You? A bad kid?"

"It's true! I mean, I don't think I'm a bad kid…I think…"

Jasmine looked at her through the mirror. "Why? Did you do something bad to get in there?" She asked. "Do you think you're a bad person?"

She winced. "Well…I'm not a good person either."

Jasmine took a comb that had broken teeth to part her hair. "What do you mean?"

Ellie shrugged. What did she mean? "I feel like…I'm meant for something, but I don't know what." She knew the whole immunity thing had to serve some sort of purpose. If there were other kids like her fighting for a vaccine, what was she still doing here? Was she a wasted gift? "Amalia said something… She prayed that I would get better to continue God's mission for me, but I don't know what mine is."

Jasmine looked down at her before looking her in the eyes through the mirror. "I know you feel this way now, but in time, He will reveal Himself to you."

"That sounds scary."

"I'm still waiting too. Back in our parents' time, kids could have all these dreams to make a difference. Now, it seems pointless, but I think that we'll be the ones to bring things back. Tommy said we're up to twenty-four families. Next year, we'll probably have thirty! You know what that means? More boys to help us ladies to repopulate the planet, and we'll be a thriving human race based on love and unity."

"But the Infected are still out there."

"We'll be immune at some point." She said a bit hastily as she continued brushing. "It's science, right? That's why they changed the formulas to pesticides all the time. Because eventually the bugs get immune."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." She admitted. "You're getting a bit rough…"

"Oh, sorry." She tied half of Ellie's hair out of the way to focus on one. "I just heard that there may or may not be someone who is immune to the Cordyceps, and if it's true, do you know what that means? We'll be back to normal!"

"Uh huh." Ellie looked around the room to change the subject. "So have you heard of Savage Starlight?"

"I think that's the comics that Darius reads." She said. "He's been reading and rereading Book 5."

"Really? You should read it too. It's very good. I actually have most of the collection."

"I didn't think you'd be much of a reader." She laughed as she started working on the other side. "Or do you just read comics?"

"Yeah, I read. I just finished _Pride and Prejudice_." She said. "I didn't get it though. I've read _Beloved_ too. It reminds me of what I thought this place was going to be like. Full of the supernatural."

She sighed. "I used to sing. That's how I spent most of my time."

"Used to?"

"The infected are very sensitive to hearing…" She raised the brush to go through again, but she dropped it. "I, um, saw this guy…" She grabbed it but paused before raising it again. "He, uh…" Ellie saw through the mirror that she was pretty shaky. She didn't know whether or not to step in. "You're so pretty. Did you know that?" She changed the subject.

Ellie wanted to shake her head, but Jasmine's fingers were in there. "I never thought about it."

"You're lying. No one ever told you?"

She shrugged. "I heard it once or twice. I just don't care about looks."

Jasmine got up from her position and stood face to face. "Hold on." She tugged on her bangs and pulled them out a bit. "There. Look!"

Ellie leaned in to see her hair in Dutch braid pigtails. "Wow… Holy shi-" She covered her mouth. "I mean, my goodness!"

Jasmine laughed. "You like it?"

"I look so…different." She played with the ends on shoulders. "This is so cool! How'd you learn to do that?"

"Amalia taught me." She said. "I'm glad you like it." She gave her a hug. "I'm also glad to have a girl around my age to talk to. We should do this more often."

"Yeah." She said.

"Maybe now we can look at clothes."

"How?" Ellie sat back down. "Getting clothes isn't exactly a walk in the park."

"Maybe not, but…" She opened her dresser to reveal all the clothes she had. Tops, tank tops, blouses, dress shirts, jeans, leggings, shorts, skirts, skorts, dresses of every cut. All of them were stuffed into the drawers.

"Okay, how on Earth did you get all that?"

"Um…it's kind of bad."

"Pffft. Oh, please." She said. "What could you possibly do that's bad?"

She chuckled. "Well, it's not good!" She settled down. "I'm just going to say it. I have an addiction."

"To clothes?"

She shrugged. "But you can't tell anyone, okay?" Ellie was quiet. "I go through The Wall."

"No, you don't."

"There are three shops when you get in town and an old military base. If you go at the right time, no one's around to say anything." She bit her lip. "I don't want you telling everyone about it."

"And you leave unarmed?" She nodded. "Well, let me go with you next time."

She scoffed. "No way."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to you to get hurt or anything. It's no big deal."

"That's bullshit." She didn't even mind letting out the curse word. "You'd have a better chance if I came with you."

"How? Are you going to take Joel's guns? Then he'll find out."

"I have a gun too. And a knife."

"And have a little girl protect me from the bad guys?" She laughed, which only made Ellie mad.

"Hey, I may be younger than you, but I've been through a lot. I saved Joel on countless occasions, _and_ his friends!"

"Calm down. I was just joking with you."

Ellie crossed her arms. "Well?"

She nodded. "Sure."

Darius knocked on the door. "Jasmine, is Ellie in there?"

"Yeah, come in."

The first thing he noticed was Ellie's new hairstyle. "Uh…hi."

"Hey, Darius." She cleared her throat.

"Ellie said she likes Savage Starlight too." Jasmine said. "She has a collection."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I started reading it…" She coughed. "…on the way here." She coughed again.

"Here. Let me get you some water." Darius left.

Ellie cleared her throat again. "Man, that's never going away."

"Don't worry." Jasmine said. "You'll be alright. But I don't know about…"

"I can still do it. I promise." She said.

Jasmine nodded and was about to say something, but Darius came in. "Here you go." He said.

"Thanks." She took a good gulp before asking "So, what else do you do for fun?"

"Besides read?" He shrugged. "Not much. I wanted to go to the Children's Center, but your dad said no."

"He's not my dad." She said. She wanted to say that Joel doesn't technically own her, so she can do whatever she wanted, but she didn't want to disobey Tommy's 48-hour rule. Then again, how long has it been? "It's no big deal. Let's go see it."

"You sure?"

"Yeah." She said, already following him out. "What do you do there?"

"Play basketball." He said. "But we don't have to do that today."

"Good, cuz I don't know how to play." They laughed.

Jasmine put her hair in one quick braid before joining them. "Wait. What about…?"

"Where are you kids off to?" Amalia snuck around the corner. "You remember what Joel and I said?"

"Yes, ma'am." They said.

"We were just going to show Ellie the Children's Center." Jasmine said. "We'll be back later."

"Don't wear her out, hear?" She said as if they forgot.

"Yes, ma'am."

Ellie got a strange flashback of her days in the preparatory school. She remembered running the drills early every morning, saying "yes, ma'am" and "yes, sir." Those days seemed like they were so long ago.

The Children's Center was actually a huge gym from what used to be part of a high school. And with only a few kids, there was plenty of space. "Look at this place!" Ellie exclaimed to hear the echo.

"Let's go check out what they got." Jasmine said, going to the equipment closet. It was full of colorful balls, jump ropes, nets, pins, and other sports stuff. Jasmine took one of the jump ropes and a scooter board, both purple. "Wanna have some fun?"

"Uh yeah!" She said.

"Get on and hold this."

Ellie sat down on the board and held the jump rope. Jasmine pulled on the rope and flung her clear across the gym floor. Jasmine followed by getting on a yellow scooter board and launching herself towards her. Darius hurried after them. "You remember when we took these throughout the whole school?" He asked Jasmine.

She laughed. "Yeah!" Then to Ellie, she explained "We got in trouble for it and had to inflate all the balls."

"It wouldn't have been so bad if there was more than one pump."

"Sounds harsh." Ellie noted.

"We wouldn't have gotten caught if _somebody_ didn't go through yelling his lungs off!" She laughed.

"I guess you're not willing to show me the rest of the building." Ellie shrugged.

Jasmine looked at Darius before saying "If it's her first time here, she should probably have a tour."

"And Ellie wouldn't have to overexert herself by walking." Darius grabbed the jump rope. "Just don't let coach see."

They looked at the far side of the gym where all the little kids played. They seemed to have whoever was in charge tied up, so they quietly rolled out of the room. Jasmine wrapped herself around Ellie. "Okay, let's get this tour started!" She said.

"Can you pull both of us?" Ellie asked him.

"It's no problem." He said. "I had to pull dead weight before. You two are nothing."

"Alright." She nodded when she was ready.

"Okay!"

Darius pulled gently before full on sprinting down the hall. It was still in pretty good condition despite some of the holes in the walls and the chipping paint. They passed by the classrooms where they held town meetings, class for the kids, and other events. They passed the library where they did some research on the world before them. They passed the black box/theatre classroom, and eventually, the auditorium where they had church on Wednesdays and Sundays. Ellie held on to the rope with one hand and Jasmine with the other. She squeezed tighter as Darius went faster. He ran as fast as he could, but ended up tripping on his own feet. The jump rope whipped, flinging the girls to the nearest wall.

"Shit!" Ellie cursed as she rubbed her shoulder. There was a new healthy hole where they collided.

"Oh my gosh." Jasmine helped Ellie up. "Geez, Darius! Are you okay?" She said, half laughing.

"Yeah." He said. "Man, that's a huge hole."

"It's not the biggest one here." Ellie said. "Who's going to notice?"

"You're right, but just in case, let's get out of here." Just as Darius said it, they heard footsteps coming their way. Jasmine waved a hand to follow her to the nearest exit. They all ran as fast as they could.

"What the hell?" Whoever was behind them asked when he saw the hole. "Hey!"

They burst through the door, laughing at their victory. "Do you think he saw?" Darius asked.

"No way." Jasmine said. "We were quick enough." They began walking back towards the neighborhood.

* * *

"Joel, can I ask you something?" Ellie asked as he was cleaning up dinner.

"Yeah."

"Before I left, Amalia invited us to church with her tomorrow morning." Hearing that made him drop a plate in the sink. "I didn't say yes right away. I just told her we'd think about it."

There was a long pause. "Is that what you want to do?" He asked.

She shrugged. "It's…in the air."

Joel had the serious talk vibe going off, so he stopped what he was doing and took his seat across from her. He leaned onto the table against his forearms, his hands clasped together. "Are you sure this is what you want? Going to church is a serious thing."

"Would you go?" He didn't reply. All he did was look away. "Joel, I want to believe. Don't you?"

He sighed. "I did."

"I just want to know that those people…all of those innocent people are happy now. Don't you?"

He only nodded. There was no need to argue with her, seeing as she wouldn't change her mind. So there was no way he was going to continue talking about it.

"Joel, are you going with me?" She said.

"No."

"Please? I don't think I can go alone."

"Amalia and her family would be there."

"But I'd be the only new person. I'm going to stick out like a sore thumb." He looked down at himself. "Please? It might help you to believe again."

"Ellie," he shifted in his seat and cleared his throat, "you're getting into this stuff now after all we've been through to get here. Everything would seem like such a happy ending to you. But you didn't know God before the outbreak. You've never seen the whole world turn upside down in a matter of days. You have no idea what it means to lose your faith."

Now, Ellie was looking down. "Well…I guess not." She looked at him. "It doesn't mean that you should give up. It's like you said. No matter what, you always find something to fight for. Why not God?"

He clinched his fists. "Okay." He got up.

Ellie rolled her eyes. It was ridiculous how easy it was to get him to back off. Just mention his past. "Fine." She stood up. "I'm pooped. I'm going to bed."

"But the sun just went down." It had to have been seven or eight o'clock.

She didn't answer him. She went into the bedroom and closed the door. But she didn't sleep right away. Ellie stared at the dark ceiling, where Jesus probably was. At least that's how it was in the movies. The protagonist would get on their knees, hold their hands together, and talk to the ceiling. Sometimes, they'd close their eyes. Ellie still didn't know if she believed the power of prayer. The concept was still so simple. It was talking to God. But she knew every conversation needed a listener and a speaker, and for the roles to switch every so often. How would talking to God turn to listening to Him? Maybe if she was quiet…

…

Nothing. She sighed, closing her eyes and trying again.

…

She thought she was doing it wrong. Maybe God wasn't a conversation starter. The thought made her giggle a bit. "God…" She said more as a sigh than a prayer. "I don't know what to do…" She didn't know what she was talking about, but that was the phrase that came out. It was probably about Joel. Probably about how to pray. Maybe it was about her destiny. It could've even been about her immunity. "I don't know what to do…"

… _Breathe_.

It was a random thought that popped into her head. And with that, everything seemed to unwind. She was able to relax into the covers. All she did was breathe.

Joel came into the room quietly. "Ellie…" He said in a low tone. "Are you awake?"

"Huh?" She said, barely awake to comprehend what was happening.

"I don't want you to go through this alone if you don't want to. If you still want me to go, I'll go." He didn't get a reply, so he assumed she was asleep.

"…thank you…" She said as he left.

* * *

The night was very quiet until there was pebble thrown at the window. At first, Ellie ignored it. But when it happened again, she jumped up. "Shit. Did I oversleep?" She threw on some clothes and opened the window. She waited for the call.

"Ca-caw!"

Ellie whistle back. She rushed around the bedroom so fast that her head had to catch up with her. She sniffed and rubbed her eyes. "Where the hell is my…?"

In the living room, where Joel slept, was her backpack. She snuck around the couch and reached for it. Joel stirred a bit. She paused. When he was still, she snatched it and immediately checked her ammunition. She took some of Joel's bullets for her pistol and loaded it up. Just when she was in the clear, she let out a huge sneeze.

"What are you doing up?" Joel asked.

"Getting water." She said quickly.

"Alright." He turned around.

Ellie waited for a few seconds to see if he went back to sleep. After a while, she slipped out of the front door. "Finally." Jasmine said, greeting her with a hug. "I thought you forgot."

"I overslept." She said. "It doesn't help that I don't have a clock in my room."

"We'll get you one." She said.

Ellie nodded and followed her. It seemed like they've been walking in silence for a good while as they headed to The Wall. "How do we get past it?"

"We just do." She opened a door that led to a flight of stairs. The girls were taken to the top, able to see all of Jackson. "Are you scared of heights?"

"No."

Jasmine took out a rope ladder and tossed it down. "Come on." She went down quickly followed by Ellie. "There's my truck."

She looked over and saw a truck parked with a few others. Jasmine was already headed towards it and throwing bags into the trunk. "Is this Dusty's truck?"

"Yeah. But he doesn't know I use it." She got in. "It takes a little while to get there. That's why we're going so early. I hope you don't mind."

Ellie shook her head. "Not at all." She watched as The Wall got smaller and smaller from the rearview mirror.

"Ellie, I really hope that us doing this doesn't change your opinion of me." She said. "I don't want you to think I do this all the time."

"But you _do_ do it all the time."

"Just for the clothes." She reminded her. "I wouldn't do it for anything else. And it's not like the clothes are just for me. I get them for everyone." Ellie was quiet. "I know you and Joel will need some church clothes. That's another reason why I'm doing it tonight."

She laughed. "For someone whose whole family goes to church, you sure like to break a lot of rules."

"Only the stupid ones." They shared in a laugh.

As Jasmine said, it took a while to get wherever they were going. With no radio, it made it seem even longer. Ellie was in and out of sleep, while Jasmine would sometimes hum. It was pretty peaceful being in a car. "AA-CHOO!"

"Oh God bless you!" Jasmine jumped.

Ellie sneezed again before saying "Thank you."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah."

"Because if you're still sick, you should tell me now so you can lay low. We'll work out a plan…"

"I'm fine." She said. "You don't have to worry about me."

"Okay." She pulled up to a fork in the road and turned the truck around so that they faced outward. "This is where we're going to park, but the place is a little further ahead."

Ellie could've gotten a bad feeling about the whole thing. Maybe a few weeks before, she would've told her not to go. But for some reason, she felt safe with Jasmine. She felt like she knew what she was doing. She may have been trusting her too easily, but she was never suspicious. Jasmine was honest and older. She hugged her whenever she greeted her and she smelt sweet like fresh bread. It wasn't like with David. He had to fight infected with her to gain her trust, but even then it was shaky. Jasmine was just there, showing her the world within the walls.

She followed her into the huge department store. "This place…"

"I know." She held her hand. "Come on!" They ran towards all the racks and shelves of what used to be a fully functional store. There was debris everywhere, some clothes were scattered around.

Ellie picked up a sweatshirt with The Little Mermaid on it. "Is this where the looting starts?"

"Yeah." Jasmine already had a good number of things in her bag. "I'm going to go over here." She pointed to what was supposed to be the lingerie or the kids section. Her voice was pretty low. "If you need anything or see someone, I'll be here."

"Okay." She watched her leave. What did she mean by that last part? She kept looking at the clothes. There was one dress that survived. It was blue, short-sleeved, and simple. Just the sight of it made Ellie laugh a little. She thought of herself wearing it with her hair done the way it was. She'd look like the little girls that went to church. Innocent with no military experience. The kind of girl who never murdered anyone. The longer she looked at it, the more she wanted to try it. But there was the fact that she had to have her bite covered. Ellie looked around, snatched the dress, and stuffed it into her bag.

"Ellie, look at this." Jasmine hurried to her with a flannel shirt in hand. "Do you think this'll fit Joel?"

She took the shirt and examined it. "I think so."

"Did you find anything good?"

She shook her head. "Only this shirt." She held up the sweatshirt.

"Take your time."

"How is it you're finding so much already?" She asked, already looking around.

"This isn't my first time." She said. "Plus, I'm literally taking what I can get."

Ellie picked up a half-shirt with a dragon on it. She also found leggings and jeans her size. She imagined she was back in the Old World, where she and Jasmine would do shopping trips all the time. They'd stop at the food court, talking about boys. She laughed to herself again. If she was really in the Old World, she'd be kicked out for stealing or causing a riot. Or maybe she was the type to get in, pay for her shit, and leave.

Breaking her out of her train of thought was the sound of footsteps and a flashlight. It wasn't Jasmine because she was on a different side of the store. Ellie listened closer, but she didn't know who or what was there. "Jasmine?" She whispered, trying to find her.

"Ellie, we're not alone." She said back as they met behind one of the racks.

"What's the plan?" She got out her gun.

Jasmine's eyes went wide when she heard it click. "We leave." She said. "What were you planning to do?"

"I'll follow you."

"Okay." Jasmine started going towards the back, picking up a few things on the way. Ellie got a good look at the guy. He was a hunter with a backpack full of stuff. He moved slowly, probably listening. The girls moved quietly. Another one came out and started searching.

"I don't think there's anyone here." One of them said. "Even the rats abandoned this place."

"Do you hear that?" Everyone paused.

"Naw." He said. "Let's just go."

Ellie covered her mouth and nose to stifle a sneeze. "What was that?" They asked.

"It came from that way." The hunters started easing in.

Jasmine shot Ellie a look before stopping somewhere to hide. Ellie looked around for something to throw. But when she didn't find anything, she said "I'm going to have to take them out."

"Ellie, no!" She exclaimed in a whisper.

But Ellie already had her gun out and pointed. Jasmine tried to take it, but she didn't have any luck. "Stop it." She warned her. "We'll be fine."

"Don't hurt them."

This time, Ellie gave her a look. She didn't want Jasmine to get hurt, so she was obviously going to take out the threat. But she followed Jasmine anyway to the shoe section. Ellie was surprised that she was still grabbing some of the few pairs off the shelves. Did she not feel threatened? "What now?" She asked. Jasmine was too busy grabbing some shoes to notice a hunter coming her way. She didn't want to yell out and give her location, but the hunter was closing in on them.

"Hey!" He grabbed Jasmine's wrist tightly.

"Leave her alone!" Ellie jumped on his back and began stabbing him with her knife. Once he was down, Jasmine's eyes were so wide and her mouth was so agape. She looked completely terrified. "Are you okay?"

"You…you…!"

"Oh, shit!" Another hunter exclaimed. He got out a gun and immediately began shooting.

"Get down!" She nearly pushed Jasmine behind a shelf and began firing. Jasmine was covering her ears and had her eyes shut. She was whispering something the whole time. Ellie kept firing until no one shot back. "I think that's all of them." She collapsed. "We have to get out of here before…"

There were more footsteps. "I heard gunshots coming from this way." Someone said.

Jasmine took her hand and hurried to the nearest exit. She still had a huge bag of clothes thrown over her shoulder. "Hey! Over there!"

They began shooting at the running girls. Ellie turned around every so often to fire back. When they got to the truck, Jasmine through the bag in the back and started it up. The tires screeched. The hunters that ran after them were immediately shot down by Ellie's pistol. "Okay. I think we're safe." She said. But Jasmine was still quiet. "Jasmine, are you okay?"

"Did you really have to kill those guys?"

"I did what we had to survive." The moment the words left her lips, she thought of Joel. It was basically his motto.

"By killing them?"

"And have them murder you?"

"They probably had families."

"So do we." She said. "And it's not like I killed them because I wanted to. I did it to protect us."

"I'm pretty sure there's another way you could've done it."

Ellie wanted to say that that's what she was taught, both from military drills and from Joel. But she decided a different question. "So you're telling me that in your whole time on the Outside, you've never witnessed a murder? Not from A-Thousand-Guns Dusty or any Fireflies or military soldiers?"

She didn't say anything. "I never said I've never witnessed it. I just don't like it."

"No one does. At least they shouldn't."

She shook her head as if she was still arguing with her in her head. "We wouldn't even have gotten caught if you kept quiet."

"We wouldn't have gotten caught if you weren't too busy getting shoes!" She said. "Look, I'm sorry. In case you forgot, I've been sick for a couple of days. I couldn't help it. But he clearly saw you when we were close to the exit."

"You know what? Fine. I'm sorry." She sighed. "I should've been a bit more persistent and focus. We won't get anywhere by fighting."

"Yeah, especially if we got away safely." She said. It was like arguing with Joel all over again. Maybe a thank you would've been better. But since she didn't get that, she was there fuming. That was until Jasmine put a hand on her knee. It relaxed her a bit. "Sorry. I should've trusted you."

"You're the one who saved us." She reminded her. "There's something for you in that bag that I was going to save for myself, but you earned it."

"Thanks."

The rest of the way home was a bit of a blur. Ellie was in and out of sleep again, but Jasmine didn't even hum. They were stopped by someone when they went up the ladder, but the person on Wall Duty was bribed with a pair of shoes. The shoes that nearly cost them their lives. When they got to Ellie and Joel's house, Jasmine opened her bag.

"This is for you." It was a hoodie that had a bird on the front and the word 'freedom' on the back. "And this is for Joel." It was a dress shirt and slacks. She also gave her a few pairs of dress shoes. "I don't know if these are your shoe sizes, but I thought you should have them."

"Thanks. And thanks for taking me with you. It was fun. Well, except when we got caught."

She laughed. "Next time, we'll be more prepared. Oh, and we need to get you that clock!"

She nodded. "Next time." She headed for the door. "See you later."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thank you for coming back! Please leave a review at the end and tell me what you think. I'm also open for discussion.

Chapter Three

"Ellie, c'mon. Wake up." Joel shook her sleeping body. "We're going to be late."

Ellie stirred a bit before opening her eyes. The sun was blinding. "What time is it?"

Joel didn't bother answering. "And you're sure about this." He pressed again. "Because we can say you're no longer interested and you can sleep in."

But Ellie was already getting ready. She took out the now messed up braids and combed them out. She put on a long-sleeved dress shirt and jeans. "Do I look presentable?" She later asked.

"Where'd you get that?"

"Um…back at Jasmine's. It was hers."

"Does she know you have it?" He asked, remembering how she got into Savage Starlight in the first place.

"Ha ha." She said dryly.

"Who's gonna care anyway? They're not coming to see you or me."

Ellie gave him a look. "Whatever." She wrapped her hair into a ponytail. "I don't know what to do with my hair."

Joel watched her go in and out of the bathroom, constantly with her fingers through her hair. "Ellie, would you calm down? It's going to be alright."

She stopped. "I've never been through this before." She said. "I don't know if this is what I'm supposed to do. There were no instructions or formal invitation. I don't want to screw this up."

"You won't screw it up." He said, putting his hands on her shoulders. "No matter what, those people are gathered to love. Nothing else. They won't condemn you, make fun of you, or anything. They just want to love."

Ellie looked him in the eyes. "Can you just give me an answer and I'll stop worrying so much?"

"Yeah."

"How do I look?"

"Good."

"Joel…"

"You're…presentable. You look great. You look like a God fearing young lady. Is that what you want to hear?"

"God fearing?" She looked down at her shirt. She didn't look like a wimp in her eyes.

"It's a good thing." He chuckled.

"I don't get it."

There was a knock on the door. "It's a good thing we're going to church."

"Good morning, everyone!" Amalia greeted. "Are you guys ready?"

"Yes, ma'am." Joel said, following them.

Ellie was wringing her hands together most of the way. She tried to remember what Joel said. They were only there to love. No one was going to judge her because of what she wore. No one would judge based on her past. They didn't need to know about it. "It'll be fine…" She told herself.

"Don't be scared." Amalia said. "I remember the first time I went to church, I was afraid of everyone looking at me. But for the first day, just listen to what's all around you."

"Okay." She said.

"Dusty didn't want to come?" Joel asked.

"He's on Wall Duty." Darius answered.

He chuckled, thinking how lucky he was. If Ellie wasn't so nervous, he'd come up with a good excuse too. But he didn't want her to feel left out.

When they got to the huge auditorium, there were people walking around and greeting one another. Some of them were guys Joel recognized from Wall Duty and factory work. They hugged him and Ellie, shaking their hands and saying good morning. Already, Joel was too out of his element to stay comfortable. But it wasn't about him. At least, that's what he kept telling himself. Ellie seemed to blend in, greeting everyone like she should until it was time to sit again.

The choir was singing loudly and proudly. It was enough to send chills down Joel's back. They sang until a woman stepped up to the podium. From the first glance, she was skinny with cinnamon colored skin. Her hair was enormous and golden brown, curls tight and uniformed to create the perfect circular shape around her face.

"Please rise if you're able. Everyone already up, please remain standing." She waited as everyone did so. She gave a prayer over the entire auditorium. "And the church said amen."

"Amen."

"You may now be seated in the presence of the Lord." She waited for them to sit down. "I want to talk about the tragedies going on in our world. I know that's what we came here for; an escape from it all. And I'm with you. I've been Outside. I've seen the things you've seen. But out of all that is happening, God has made a way for us to communicate and unite."

"My Lord!" Someone shouted from the far side.

"Thank You Jesus!" Someone else shouted.

"I had my family taken from me when I was pretty young." She continued. "Like the Bible says many times, I stayed still. I stayed quiet. Psalm 46:10; 'He says, 'Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.''" She recited without even looking at the Holy Book. "And that's what I did. I waited for the right opportunity to escape the Infected. And then the Lord answered by sending the Fireflies. I made it out of Houston safely.

"You see, God always finds a way." They all applauded. "But we have to trust in Him first. If someone offers you help, you have to trust that they will do what they promise first. Exodus 15:2; 'The Lord is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him.' Speaking of Exodus, let's talk about what it means. If you looked it up in a dictionary, exodus means a mass exit. In the Book of Exodus, Moses is leading thousands to freedom. Do you think people believed in him at first?" She shook her head, not a single curl moved. "No. No one believed him at first. But did Moses give up? No.

"Moses did trust God, though. Even when he was given these weird instructions. Moses had to take his staff and let it go. If I gave you a staff and told you to let it go, would you trust me if I told you it would turn into a snake? You'd probably look at me like I'm crazy and watch the staff fall to the floor. But Moses trusted God and that staff did turn into a snake. He stood into the Nile River, like God told him to, and watched the water turn into blood. Now, you are probably wondering what snakes and blood have to do with anything. It's because God is seeing if you trust Him. If you trust God, you're allowing Him to take you to great places.

"I recently got the news that some of my nieces and nephews didn't make it out. They got infected after playing where they weren't supposed to. I know it sounds bad, God knows I was hurting, but it doesn't mean that I should stop trusting God. After all, He brought us here! We're in a safe place to worship and live in freedom!"

"Hallelujah!" Someone shouted.

"Preach, pastor!"

Joel looked over at Ellie who soaked in every word. She was like a statue, quiet and listening like Amalia said. Amalia, on the other hand, was clapping her hands. He scratched the back of his head and continued watching. Maybe it wasn't so bad. But that's when the woman started getting louder.

"We live in this world that looks bleak and scary, but we have to remember that we serve the Almighty God! He has not forgotten us!" The crowd started getting louder, roaring in applause and standing ovations. "We may have family on the other side of that wall, but we need to trust God that He will bring them home!"

The choir started getting back into place as someone started playing the piano. Amalia stood up and started dancing as soon as the music played. There was something familiar about how excited she was. Joel smirked, remembering Sarah's first concert. The Bash was playing, Joel was there despite being tired from work, but as soon as the band was on stage, Sarah was up and screaming. Amalia even had the same huge smile on her face.

Ellie nodded to the beat. Jasmine clapped her hands and shouted every so often, while Darius looked bored. It was kind of odd since the piano player pounded the keys in such an upbeat tempo that even Joel found himself tapping his foot. After the piano solo was over, the choir finally began singing.

"Before we conclude," the pastor said, "I would like to welcome those who are coming for the first time. If that's you, can you please raise your hand?" Two people raised their hands before Ellie did, which meant Joel had to. People around them clapped and welcomed them again. "Lord, thank You for sending these people here today. We hope that they return and follow Your path. Let them find light in the name of Jesus. And the church said amen."

"Amen."

"I'll see you next week."

Some of them hurried out the door while others stayed behind to talk to the pastor. Amalia was one of them, but Darius was already half way out the door. Joel followed him out with Ellie right behind. "That wasn't so bad." Ellie told him.

"Yeah." He said.

"Now's my favorite part of Sunday." Darius said. "Doing absolutely nothing."

"I hear that." Joel said.

Amalia and Jasmine eventually came out with huge smiles on their faces. "On Sundays, Amalia is always in the kitchen." She said. "She makes the whole house smell like sweet bread!"

"I'll make sure to bring some by for our new friends." Amalia said, joyfully poking at Joel's arm. "Are you coming by for breakfast?"

"Sure." Ellie said without even seeing how Joel would react.

"I guess that makes two of us." He said.

"Great! Dusty should be coming back soon." Amalia said as if he wouldn't come otherwise. But he never considered it. He forgot all about him.

* * *

One awkward breakfast later, Joel and Ellie were back in their small, quiet home. "I've never been so tired." Ellie said.

"How? You slept all night and overslept this morning." Joel turned on the TV.

Ellie looked around for an excuse. "I was up coughing."

He frowned. "Still?"

She shrugged. "It was kinda out of nowhere." She changed the subject. "When are you going on that date with Amalia?"

"I'm not."

"Why?"

"Because they're obviously going through something. I can't get into…that." They both watched as the family across the street greeted the man of the house. They all came out to hug him.

"I don't know. Maybe you can help."

"I don't help."

Ellie put her hands on her hips to protest, but maybe he had a point. Every time he tried to help, it never really ended well. The same could be said for her. "Maybe this could be different."

"Even if it was, which it ain't, I'm not…" Before he could finish his sentence, he remembered when he was flirting with Tess, claiming he in fact was the romantic type. "I'm not sure about it."

Ellie smirked. "Well, if you decide on it, you can have the bedroom for the night."

Joel stepped outside once everyone was gone. He sat down at one of the porch chairs where his guitar was and started playing. Ellie sat in the chair next to him, curling up so her feet were on the seat, and yawned. "You remember the chords I showed you?"

"Yeah. I think." She took it from him and carefully placed her fingers in the position. "Like this, right?"

Joel had to reposition a few fingers. "There."

She lightly strummed. "And that was the…C chord?"

"That's it."

"And…" She moved her fingers again. "This is…A?" She strummed.

"No, that's something completely different."

She laughed. "Well, at least I got one right!" She handed it back. Joel went back to plucking the strings. "Did you like it?"

"You could still use a little more practice. Whenever you want."

"No, I mean church. Did you like it?"

He sighed, looking at the clouds. The strumming got a little softer. "Yeah."

"Why'd you take so long to answer?"

He looked at Ellie for only a second. He didn't want to be stuck in those huge green eyes of curiosity. He knew once he got into it, she'd never stop asking questions. "It was just new to me. Back in the day, my family never really went to church."

"Then how'd you know to believe?"

"Because that's what we did. That's how we – and everyone around us – were raised. It was pretty basic. One plus one equals two, and Jesus is our Lord and Savior." That made Ellie laugh. "And anyone who didn't believe was either shunned or worse."

"How worse?"

"The worst."

"Why would someone be mean because they didn't believe the same thing?"

"You're asking the wrong person." At least in this world, no one pushed you to going to church. It wasn't unheard of if you didn't go. At least it was understandable if there were people who just stopped believing.

"Amalia sure had fun." She said after a moment of silence.

"She did."

"But Darius wasn't."

"Yeah, he seemed pretty…" He didn't finish the sentence.

Ellie closed her eyes, feeling the breeze brush her cheeks and eyelashes. The gentle notes lulled her. "I think there's a movie tonight, right?" She managed to ask.

"Yeah. You wanna see it?"

"I'll go." She said with a smile sprouting on her face. "I'll give you and Amalia the house to yourself."

"You're not sleeping on the couch."

"I'll sleepover somewhere."

"Yeah right." He continued strumming. On the corner of his eye, he saw Ellie's head bob and her arm droop over the armrest. It made him smile. He thought of what the pastor was saying about trust. If he trusted God, would he be here? He trusted Tommy. He trusted Tess. He trusted Henry. He trusted Ellie. But God? Was it that hard?

Joel put the guitar down and listened. He wasn't listening for anything in particular, but he was listening. When nothing came after a while, he got up. "C'mon, baby girl." He scooped Ellie's sleeping body in his arms and took her inside.

* * *

"Ellie…" She heard a whisper. "Ellie…"

"Wha…?" She kept her eyes closed.

"I'm about to go on Wall Duty. You remember the rule?"

She shifted a bit before going back to sleep.

"Ellie?"

"Keep the door locked. No boys…"

"And?"

"No inappropriate behavior."

"Good. I'll see you later."

"Okay, bye, Daddy." She turned her back to him and tried going back to sleep.

There was a heavily pregnant pause that caused Joel to go wide-eyed. What did she say? He turned around and saw her in her sleep position, like she never woke up. "Daddy?" He had to ask. "Are you feeling alright?"

She didn't answer. He decided to leave. Just as the door closed, Ellie popped up. "Joel?" She called. "Joel!" She ran out to the living room only to find it empty. "Oh…" She wondered who she was talking to, but the most logical choice was Joel.

Ellie's hands shook as she looked around in a paranoid pattern. She cleaned up the house just to get it to normal. She didn't feel like herself, and Joel wasn't there to calm her down. She jumped when she heard a knock at the door. It was soft so it wasn't urgent. But still, she had the urge to take her knife with her.

"Who is it?" She asked with her ear to the door.

"It's Darius." She calmed down a little when she heard his voice. "I was wondering if you had Book 1."

"Okay, hold on." She rushed over to the bedroom, put on her pants, grabbed the book, and hurried back to the door. "Here."

"Thanks. I'll bring it right back." He turned to leave, but Ellie held onto him.

"Wait. I need to… I mean, can I talk to you about something?"

"Yeah, sure." He said, sounding concerned. He followed her to the two patio chairs.

"Okay…" She fumbled with her hands. "I had a really weird dream. I really think it's trying to tell me something."

"Those dreams are always fun." He said.

"Okay, so, I was in space with a guy. I called him Daddy, and he took me…" She thought for a second. "He took me to this planet. It was full of stars and everything. Then he said he was going to take me home. At first, I was like 'Cool. I need to see Joel anyway.' But he was like 'Not that home.'" She looked at Darius to see if he had any kind of opinion. "Then, he took me higher into space. He didn't want to let me go. We were going faster and faster. I was telling him to stop, but we just kept going. The whole time, I was freaking out and he was telling me to calm down. He tried to distract me by asking me the rules. Right after I answered, he let me go. I started falling… Then I woke up."

"That's deep." He said. "I had a dream kind of like that. Except I was just falling. I jumped off The Tallest Building in the World because I knew that was the best way to end it. But right when I did, about halfway down, a man I called Pops saved me and took me home."

"Did you see what his home was?"

He shook his head. "I woke up before I could." He watched the sky. "Mom was saying something about it being a spiritual awakening or something, but…I don't know. Why would I try to kill myself?"

Ellie shrugged. "Dreams are weird."

He laughed. "Yeah." His smile instantly faded as he flicked through the pages. "Um…I know Mom already asked you, but how was your first day? Be honest."

"It was amazing." She nodded. "At first, I thought it was going to be boring. When they go to church on the movies or TV shows, they're usually bored. But it was so cool how they had that choir. And it made me really think about stuff, you know?"

He shrugged. "Yeah. I get it."

Something about the scene was familiar to Ellie. Darius was sweet, but he started asking deep questions. They didn't fight off any Infected, so he couldn't have been bitten. "Is everything okay?" She asked, hoping she'd get in answer.

"I don't know…" He said. "She kept saying trust in God for our families to come home, but I don't think they're coming."

"Your cousins?"

He nodded. "Henry taught me how to tie my shoes and how to use it as a weapon. I wanted to teach Sam, but he was too young. The last thing I remember was Henry telling me to protect Mom. He told me to be strong no matter what. Sam cried and cried when I left. They were right behind us, but…" He shrugged again. "I guess we got separated. But if they were right behind us, they would've been here by now, right? They wouldn't be that far behind. We've been in Jackson for over a year now."

He buried his face into his hands. "I had to watch over Sam whenever Henry was gone. He trusted me." He continued. "Henry should've found us."

Ellie wanted to say something, but she didn't know if it was the right time. She wished Joel was there to tell her that it was or wasn't a good time to tell him they were hoping and praying for nothing. But before she could say (or not say) anything, he kept talking. "It makes me wonder if God is really out there. Is He listening?"

"He has to be." She said. "That lady said we have to trust Him first."

"Pastor Gina means well. I get that." He said with a chilling laugh. "But I wonder who she's trying to fool?"

"Hey, I don't think that's fair." She said a little more pointed than she intended. "For many people, this is all they have. I don't think Pastor Gina would fool anyone. There's evidence in a book."

"The same book that said that a woman came out of the ribs of a man." He said. "The same book that said a rainbow was a promise that God wouldn't kill all of humanity."

"We're not all dead."

He sighed. "You know, you're right. We're not all dead."

"Look, I don't mean to talk down to you about what you believe. Maybe you should talk to Amalia about it."

He shook his head, looking at the book again. "She'd never understand. She'd say something like my heart is just a little out of place, and that I need to pray about it. Then she'd sing. It's like she doesn't listen. She just sings."

Ellie was quiet.

"So, you really believe in this stuff?"

She shrugged and nodded a little. "Well, I'm learning."

"So that's a no?"

"It's not like I disbelieve it." She remembered to change her answer. "I mean, there has to be a reason why we turned out okay, right? It can't just be a coincidence. Everything happens…" She couldn't even say the rest.

"I know everything happens for a reason, but why? Why is our world the way it is if God is so good?"

"I know I should say something to help, but you're talking to the wrong person. I don't know why this is happening, but I do know that we only have to worry about one thing: staying alive. Back in Joel's time, they had to worry about all sorts of things that don't even matter now. Your mom used to struggle with eating and boys. I bet you're glad you don't have to worry about that, right?"

He looked out at nothing in particular. Ellie couldn't read his facial expression. "Yeah, but…" He looked back at her, meeting her gaze. "We're so much closer to death."

She watched him get up and was about to leave. "Wait, Darius." She actually got him to stop. "I just want to say that you're not alone." He was confused, so she kept going. "People have lost faith. Until a few days ago, I barely had mine. But we have to see what'll happen next."

He nodded. "I guess you're right."

Darius went across to his house, and as soon as he opened the door, Ellie faintly smelt the bread and could somewhat hear yelling. "I asked you and you said it would be fine!" She heard Amalia say. "What changed?" She stared at the house to see if someone would come out, but no one did.

* * *

"You're going to do great." Ellie kept telling him. "You'll have a great time, okay?"

"How the hell did I let you rope me into this?" Joel said, fixing his clothes.

"Hey, she wanted to get to know you. It's your fault you charmed her."

Everything in the kitchen was clean and ready to get cooked in. The whole time, Joel was already planning a way to keep the "date" short and focused. There was not going to be any dessert making. She wouldn't want that, right? Joel caught himself clenching his fists. Was he nervous? No. Nervous is jumping into a room full of Infected and less ammo per zombie. Nervous was fighting hunters with a little girl behind him. Nervous was keeping her alive while there were fully armed Fireflies willing to kill him instantly. He couldn't have been nervous.

"Ready?" Ellie asked.

He took a deep breath. "Don't you have something to do?"

"Hey, I'm just waiting for Jasmine and Darius."

"Wish they'd hurry up." He said.

They both looked out the window. "There they are." Ellie pointed out. Darius was leaving the front door. Amalia and Jasmine were behind them, but Jasmine was fixing Amalia's hair. Once she finished, they hugged and came out with baskets of what they can only assume was the food they were going to cook.

"Alright, go on with your friends." Joel opened the door. "If you start feeling sick again, just come on back."

"Nice try, Joel, but I'm fine. You're just going to have to have a good evening alone with Amalia." She waved before meeting the other kids.

"Hi, Joel." Amalia greeted.

"It's nice to see you." He greeted back as he took the baskets from her. "So, what's on the menu?"

"Nothing special." She answered. "Chicken and rice, and a little dessert at the end. I just want you to relax while I cook, okay?"

"You want me to let you do all the work?" She nodded. "Well, alright then."

He sat down, but he wasn't exactly relaxed. He watched her get the food and utensils out of the basket and started heating things up. She moved as if she was right at home. She even sang.

 _You thought I was worth saving  
So you came and changed my life_

 _You thought I was worth keeping  
so You cleaned me up inside_

 _You thought I was to die for  
so You sacrificed your life_

 _So I could be free  
So I could be whole  
So I could just tell everyone I know_

"My mom would always sing when she cooked." She said. "I guess it rubbed off on me. I hope you don't mind."

 _Compliment her_. "You have a great voice."

"You think so?" She smiled brightly.

He nodded. "Yeah."

"Thank you." She put the chicken in the oven. She looked around. "Joel, where's your clock?"

"Don't have one." He said. "Ellie said something about finding one, but we never did."

She put her hands on her hips. "Then how would I know when this chicken's done?" She shrugged. "I'll just have to guestimate it."

She was quick to sit next to him, which made him a little uneasy. He was now fully aware of everything. There was food being cooked, he was on the couch, and he was sitting across from someone who wasn't Tess. _Say something_. "Thanks for coming over this evening."

"Thank you for taking me out. Well, out of _my_ house at least." She giggled. It got quiet again. "How's Ellie?"

"Fine." He said. "She's enjoying time with Darius and Jasmine."

"She did my hair actually. She loves doing it."

He nodded. "It's nice. I've seen what she did with Ellie's hair. It was actually brushed for a change." They laughed.

"Look. I want to ask you about a few days ago. I should've mentioned it then, but I was a little nervous."

"About when we…" He moved his finger back and forth to finish the sentence for him.

"I didn't mean for it to happen all at once. I just want to know if we're on this date because you want to, not that you have to."

He shook his head. "No, ma'am." He answered. "I am out of my comfort zone, I'll admit, but…"

"So you aren't gay?"

"No."

She sighed in relief. "Thank You, Jesus." She prayed. "I mean, not that gay isn't okay. I just…really enjoyed that kiss."

That made him smile. "Me too."

"Good. Because you pulled away so quickly. I just wanted to clear the air before anything happens tonight." She said.

"Do you plan on something happening tonight?" He moved a little closer.

"Not unless you do." She put a hand on his, again, making tiny circles with her thumb.

There it was again. The whole scene replaying. Joel's hand was even on her knee. Were they really going to go where they left off? He slowly backed away.

"Oh."

"How far are you willing to take this?"

She shrugged. "I don't care. I really like you, Joel."

"Even with God watching?"

She nodded. "Jesus knows how much I like you. I want you to know too." She said. "I mean, I know we're not going too far if it's our first date. But…" She looked at the oven. "Let me check on dinner."

She got up and left. It gave time for Joel to look at his reflection off the TV screen before turning it on. "Do you still like this show?" He asked.

"Of course." She said and went back to singing the same song. "I know my question earlier kind of came out of nowhere, but I made that mistake before. I didn't want to get my hopes up again."

"With Dusty?"

"I made the mistake of thinking it was love." She laughed. "It was just him being a good man." She pulled out the food and got it ready to serve. "I think you're a good man too, Joel." She put two plates on the table.

"To be honest, you're only seeing a side of me." He admitted as he sat down with her.

"Oh please." She scoffed, preparing napkins.

"I'm serious." He watched her sit down. "Do you drink?"

"Why? Do you have something?"

He nodded. "It ain't much, but I have half a bottle of wine." He got up and showed her.

"How'd you get that?" She asked, more excited than confused.

"Maria gave it to me. It was a welcome present."

"And you don't mind?"

He poured her a glass. "I reckon it'll make this evening feel a bit more…old school."

"Oh, Joel." She said dreamily. "This is perfect."

They clinked glasses and began their meal, after a prayer of course. They ate in silence for the most part. Joel complimented her cooking. Amalia complimented the wine. But, like Amalia, she wasn't quiet for long. She was right back with the deep questions, ready to pick his brain. "Why don't you think you're a good person?"

He sighed and put down his fork. "Do you think you're a good person?"

She shrugged a shoulder. "I'm not bad."

"See? You didn't say you were good."

"Fine." She took a sip. "Do you think you're not bad?"

"I'm not good either."

"We all did things we weren't proud of Outside." She said.

He cracked a smile, humoring her. "That's putting it lightly." He said. "I've done plenty of things without even thinking twice. What's the worst you've done?"

"I let my husband be taken by the Cordyceps." She nodded reluctantly yet confidently. "I told him to leave to find supplies in the darkest, most humid place. There were spores everywhere, and when he came back, he attacked me. I killed my own husband with one of my good kitchen knives. Don't worry. It wasn't the same knife I used to cut the chicken."

"You didn't want to turn with him?" He remembered that was a thing that happened often.

She shook her head. "I would if I wasn't pregnant." Joel was quiet. "Your turn."

"I…uh…" What was appropriate to tell her? "I was a smuggler for a good while. Smuggled things that were illegal and dangerous for ration cards."

"That's not too bad, is it?"

He nodded. "It's pretty bad."

She looked down. "Um… Well…" She mumbled something.

"What?"

"Nothing." She said. "Just that God was right. He always is."

"About what?"

"About how broken you are."

And just like that, they're romantic dinner turned into a cold war. Joel had to remember that she was an unarmed woman that baked pies and still believed in Jesus. But she used the God card against him again. "And what's that supposed to mean?" He asked.

"That you've been through a lot. I mean, a _lot_. There is no way smuggling is the worst you've done."

He chuckled. "Like I'd tell you."

"Fine. Don't." She said. "I told you I killed someone I loved. You can't tell me you've never done that."

He was quiet. Then he looked her in the eyes and reluctantly said "I left her behind."

She dropped her fork onto her plate. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have… Oh, I'm so stupid sometimes." She held her head with her hands. "This is not what this evening's about."

Joel nodded in agreement. He wanted to say that they should start the night over. That they could just go back to kissing on the couch like teenagers. But all he offered was the rest of the wine.

"Just know that I've done things that I probably shouldn't have. But…I don't dwell on it too much. After all, we're both here."

"Thank the Lord." She nodded. "He brings us to the right place at the right time."

"Yeah…"

"I shouldn't drink too much." She put her glass down. "I want to get up early to go to The Wall tomorrow. Are you still coming with us?"

They were both alone, Dusty was in the house across from them (as far as he knew), and the kids were watching a movie. There were no distractions. Even the TV was drowned out by the conversation. "Look. About that…"

"You didn't like it, did you?" She asked half-concerned but mostly like she expected it.

"No, I was fine with it. It's about…" He wished he had Ellie there to explain it. She had a better way with words. "I'm going to tell you something you're not going to like."

She straightened her back as if to mentally brace herself. She closed her eyes and mumbled a prayer to herself before she said "Okay."

"I knew Henry and Sam. They were fine boys."

She gasped. "You know them? Where are they? Are they safe? Did you…?"

He held up a hand to stop her. "Like I said, you're not going to like what I'm about to say."

"What? Are they lost? Did they…?"

"Amalia, listen." She was still. "Like I said, I knew them. We ran into some Infected. Sam got bit and Henry had to put him down."

She shook her head. "That's…no… What about Henry? Where is he?"

He shook his head now. "He didn't want to live without his brother."

"No, no, no… He…"

Joel didn't meet her gaze after that. She was an unarmed woman who still had a soul left to cry. "I'm sorry."

"You're lying." She kept shaking her head. "You have to be. You're lying! Lord, have mercy!" She got up and paced around. "No, my babies wouldn't… My babies wouldn't, Joel!"

He refused to add onto it. He didn't want that pain to escalate. To save him was a knock on the door. It was an urgent pound. Amalia didn't move, so Joel answered it. "I'm sorry to interrupt." Dusty said. "But there's activity at The Wall." He wasn't even paying attention to Joel as he held his hand out for Amalia. In a heartbeat, she grabbed it and ran down the porch steps with him.

A lot of families gathered in anticipation. Amalia was holding her hands together as the gates slowly opened. "They're coming." She kept saying. "They have to come. They're coming."

Joel looked down at her as her eyes began to water. He looked around for Ellie, but she didn't turn up. The Wall was finally opened enough for two people from Outside to squeeze through. One family cheered loudly, hugging them and welcoming them. Before they knew it, the gate was closing again.

Dusty shook his head. "That's it." He put his hat back on his head. "I'm going to welcome our new neighbors."

Amalia didn't move. Dusty gave her a pat on the back before leaving. "My babies…" A tear finally came down her face, but she began to chuckle. "I prayed so hard… So hard for over a year. I prayed for them to come home. Jesus took them home."

Joel nodded.

"I prayed for them to be safe. Jesus took them to safety."

"Amalia, it's okay to be upset." He wondered if that was the right thing to say.

"No. I can't." She said.

"C'mon. Let me take you home."

He tried grabbing her hand, but she snaked it back and collapsed to her knees. "Lord, I pray for strength!" She prayed loudly. "Please, Lord, hear my cry and mend my heart! Thank You for keeping my cousins safe! Thank You for ending their suffering! Thank You for taking them before they could infect Ellie or Joel."

Hearing that last part made Joel instantly uneasy. "Amalia…"

"Lord, please help me! Mend my broken heart! Heal my soul, Lord! Forgive me of my sins, Lord! This pain is too great for me!" She gasped loudly in between sentences. "Lord, have mercy! Lord, have mercy!" She choked on her sobs. "Lord, forgive me!"

Dusty came back after hearing her screams. "What did you tell her?" He asked. "Amalia…?"

Amalia began screaming as her hands were stretched out in the air as if Jesus, Himself, would touch her. She slowly stood up and began doubling over. Her hands were still out, making it look like she was bowing down. "Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!" Dusty was right behind her with one hand hovering over her back. He was actually prepared for when she started shaking and falling over. Joel was on her side too, making sure she didn't hit the ground too hard. Amalia was saying something, but Joel couldn't make out a word.

She was down for a while. Joel would've counted the minutes, but his watch was broken. By the time she finally got back up, she was blank. "Thank You, Jesus." Dusty was saying, helping her to her feet. "Thank You, Jesus."

Joel was quiet for most of the walk home. Dusty had a supportive arm around her. "Where's that boy?" Amalia eventually asked, her voice cracking. "He never comes anymore when The Wall opens."

"He's still off with Jasmine and Ellie." Dusty explained.

"Joel, I'm so sorry." She said. "I should've believed you the whole time."

"I shouldn't have kept that from you." He said. "I've had people turn on me so many times, but I'm never used to it. I still don't like talking about it, but it wasn't fair to you."

"I'm so glad you did though." She held his hand. "It saved me so much worry."

They got to the houses, but Amalia didn't let go. "Maybe we could redo this evening another time."

She nodded. "I'd love that. But first…" She let go of Dusty. "Let me help you clean up. I can help wrap the leftovers."

"You don't have to do that." He said. "I reckon I caused enough damage. I'll return your basket in the morning."

"Please?" She gripped his hand a little tighter. "I just feel so guilty."

"Amalia, you don't owe him anything." Dusty said. "Come on. We can go home and…"

She gave him a scowl. "Stop it, Dusty. I've had enough."

Joel was frozen. Now he was at a state of surrender to an unarmed woman who baked pies and believed in Jesus. "Hold on…"

"Besides," Amalia went on, "I left something important in there. I'll see you in a bit." She headed towards Joel's house before he could say anything. He followed her in and closed the door. By that time, she was already working on cleaning. "I'm sorry. I just…that man…"

"Is he trouble?"

"No. He's just too protective. He thinks you're up to something because you were looking for the Fireflies. But you're not like that."

Joel clinched his fists again. "How'd he find out about the Fireflies?"

"I don't know. He's crazy." She laughed.

He looked at the door as if he could see Dusty settle in across the street. He made a mental note to stay away from him. "Are you sure you don't need help?"

"Joel, the real reason I wanted to come back over is because I'm not done with you." She dropped the plate in the sink. "I want to know how long you knew about this. You knew my cousins were dead and you didn't tell me. Why?"

He held his hands up in defense. "I didn't want to tell you in front of everyone at The Wall that you were praying for someone who was never coming."

"You could've told me after. You had me believing for so long!" Her eyes started welling up. "But I forgive you." She walked over and held both of his hands. "I've been talking to God, you probably know, and I never thought how hard it would've been to say it instead of hearing it. You had to go through their passing and…"

"Stop." He sat her down at the nearest chair. "You don't need to talk about it anymore. Just…go on home. I'll take care of this mess, yeah?"

She didn't move at first. She turned around so she was facing the table and got into a praying position. "Lord, thank You for giving me the truth. I only ask that You help my family and me move on as we encounter these trying times. Please keep us from sin as we endure heartache. And bless your son, Joel, for his troubles. I know he had to face some horrible things in his past. I pray that he is able to relax."

Joel sighed as he cleaned. The prayer went on. He didn't want to stop her, though. _Support her_. Joel took a deep breath as he wiped his hands clean. He sat down at the chair next to her and copied her stance. He closed his eyes, letting her words sink in. Amalia saw him do this and smiled, and continued to pray ceaselessly.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Surprise! I felt that this chapter was too closely linked to the last one to let this one sit for another few days. When I originally wrote this, I didn't mean to break it up into chapters, so thanks for baring with me during these probably awkward chapter breaks.

Chapter Four

The kids were enjoying an old Disney classic, _The Little Mermaid_. Jasmine had a huge beach towel on the grass, close enough to see and hear but far enough so they could talk without causing a huge disturbance. They shared popcorn and fruit since that was all they could bring. Darius was looking around, not even watching the movie.

"Looking for that girl?" Jasmine asked him. "What's her name? Janie? Joselyn?"

"Giselle." He answered. "She said she was coming."

Ellie was too into the movie to listen. "This isn't how it is in the book…" She mumbled.

"You actually read that?" Jasmine asked. "I shouldn't be surprised. You _are_ a reader by choice. I'd take a movie any day."

She laughed. "She's completely naked! How is this a 'G' rating?"

Darius waved. "Giselle!" He called.

A skinny girl came by. Her hair was thick, straight, and uncombed but she had a nice smile. "Hi, Darius."

"I, uh…wanted to know if you're here with anyone." He said. "Maybe you can join us."

At first, she stared at him. Then she covered her mouth politely to laugh at him. "I have to go." She said in between giggles. She walked away, still laughing.

Ellie saw her walk by and tossed a couple of kernels her direction. "Fuck you too, Giselle." She said loudly, which made Jasmine imitate Giselle's polite/impolite giggle.

Darius crossed his arms. "You guys had to do that. Now she'd never speak to me."

"You're better off without her." Jasmine said. "Especially because Renee and Malory over there."

"No way. Malory has a boyfriend."

"Then Renee?"

He shrugged.

"Or just don't date." Ellie said as if it was obvious. She even followed up with her trademark "Pfft."

Jasmine took out Ellie's ponytail holder and started combing through it. She didn't even mind. "That works too. You were so crazy about Giselle. Maybe it wasn't meant to be."

"Not to mention she laughed at you. Why would you want to go back to that?"

"Because she's my friend." He said.

"Oh. So you were just playing when you asked her?"

"Shut up." He sat down.

"Don't beat yourself up for it." Ellie told him.

They went back to watching the movie. But then so many kids got up and started running. "The Wall's opening!" Someone called. "Over there! Hurry!"

Jasmine was the first to get up. "Come on!" She told them. Ellie stood up, but Darius kept still. "Aren't you going to see if that's…?"

"It's not them." He said sharply. "Let's just watch the movie, okay?"

"Come on. This is like the fifth time you missed it. What if it's them this time?" Jasmine said.

"Well, it's not. How about that? And if it was, Mom would see them first and bring them here."

Ellie watched as the whole lawn was nearly emptied. "You know, Darius has a point. Let's just go back to watching the movie." She sat down.

"You too?" Jasmine scoffed. "What if God's giving you your prayer but you're too busy moping to trust Him?"

Darius shrugged a shoulder. "Well, it's a good thing I'm not the only one praying for them."

"Darius…!"

"Hold on." Ellie said. "I think we should just stay here. Not for any… I mean…" She sighed. They were both looking at her now, there was no one around, and she couldn't keep bouncing around the subject any more. "They aren't coming."

"With that attitude, I don't think so." Jasmine said.

"No, I'm not just being down and out about it. I'm serious."

"See?" Darius threw his arm.

"Hold on!" Jasmine yelled at him. "Ellie, what are you saying?"

She took another breath. "Sit down." She waited until she sat down before taking something out of her backpack. "Henry and Sam were our friends. This was Sam's." It was a toy robot. "Henry didn't let Sam take it because they had this rule. Don't take anything that you don't need. So I took it. Henry couldn't get mad if he didn't know he had it."

"Why didn't you give it to him?" Darius asked, looking at the robot.

"I did. But… We came across a lot of Infected. He turned the night I gave it to him. He was so scared. He kept asking these questions about death and turning. I should've known he was bitten. But when he turned, he attacked me. Joel was going to… I mean, Henry had to…take him out."

Darius sighed heavily, shaking his head. Jasmine rubbed his back for support, but he pushed her away. "What happened to Henry?"

She squeezed her fingers. "He couldn't… I think he didn't want to live without Sam, so he…" No one was filling in the blanks for her. "He took the gun and…"

"No, he couldn't have…" Darius said. "He saved my friend from killing himself. He said it was never the answer. Why would he…?"

"I'm sorry." Ellie said when he didn't finish his question. "We were a good team, but we couldn't save them. It all happened so fast."

"Mom's not going to be happy about this." He said, trying to joke. "She's going to be so upset."

"Come on." Jasmine said, getting on her knees. "Let's pray about it."

"What's the point?" He held his knees close to his chest.

"Boy, watch your mouth." Jasmine scolded.

"No!" He shot up. "Stop acting like I have to do whatever you say just because Mama or Dusty aren't here."

"Like it or not, your mama put me in charge." She said. "I look after you because she trusts me to and because I love you. I'm not going to let your soul rot in Hell because you don't want to pray for your loss."

"Like I said, what's the point?" He was yelling at this point. "Do you know how long we've been praying for Henry and Sam to come home? Over a year! _Over_ a year! And where are they? They're dead! They're _dead_!"

"So? Amalia said…"

"What does she know? She's just as hopeless as the rest of us. She thinks a few kind words to God is going to save us! We're still living here!"

"At least we're safe." Ellie pointed out. "Just because things look bad now doesn't mean we have to give up."

"Don't you even start. You have no idea what this is about."

This made Ellie cross her arms. She had a few choice words for him, but she decided to rethink them. "You remember what Pastor Gina was saying about trust, right? Well, you don't see her coming undone when her niece and nephew turned. She said her whole family was taken away. You're lucky to have your mom. I'd do anything to talk to mine."

Darius was quiet. "I shouldn't have left them." He said in somewhat of a whisper.

"There was nothing you could've done." Jasmine said.

He let out a loud exhale that turned into a grumble as tears fell from his chin. "I could've stayed with them. I would've protected Sam."

"I did my best." Ellie told him.

"How am I going to tell Mama?"

"I swear I'll tell her if you need me to." She said.

Jasmine wrapped an arm around him and squeezed tightly. "I'm sorry, Darius." She said.

"But why would God do that?" He said. "He's supposed to be good."

"He still is." She said.

He shook his head. "He let my little cousin get infected."

"It happens." She said.

Ellie knew she couldn't let him stay this upset. She got onto her knees. "Well, I'm willing to pray about it if you are."

And in the middle of the lawn as all the kids were coming back, they prayed. Jasmine led the prayer, but it was Darius who stepped in to finish it.

* * *

"And you're sure you're okay?" Joel had to ask again. Amalia was quiet after praying for what felt like ten minutes. She was putting her things back in the basket, but kept the food in the fridge. "If you want, I can break the news…"

"Joel, I don't want anything else on your shoulders." She said. "I just…" Her hands started to shake. Joel thought she was going to have another episode, but she held them until they stopped. "I'm just so glad you were there for them. For me. I can only thank God at this point. What if they were alone? No one else was with you, right?"

"No, ma'am."

She sighed, facing him again. "Where was the group?"

"Gone." He answered.

She dried her hands. "I need to stop talking about it. I just need to…get it off my mind." She held his hands. "Thank you, Joel." It was something so genuine. She had his hands and his full attention as she said it. Amalia hugged him. It wasn't until he held her back when she started crying again. At first, Joel was uncomfortable. He didn't know what to say that wouldn't make it worse. He didn't know what to do to make her feel better. So he let her cry. He understood her pain. He remembered losing Sarah. He remembered how hard it was to move on. Twenty years. He knew it would've been worse if he had to hear about it from some guy. After a while, she let go. "I'm so sorry." She said with half a laugh. "I just messed up your shirt."

"It's been through worse."

She took a towel and wiped her face. "I'm such a mess."

"You are." They laughed. "But it's okay to be a mess sometimes."

She smiled at him again and put her hand on his shoulder. She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Her hand moved up to cup his face. He didn't want to make any moves. He was still unsure how far she wanted to go. He let her kiss him gently. She brushed his lips with hers before kissing him again. He kissed her back. Her hands were all over, signaling she wanted to take it to the couch…or the bedroom.

"Amalia, stop." He said.

She did, confused. "Why? What's wrong?"

"I don't think it's fair because you're…"

"Okay." She said abruptly with a half-smile. "I get it."

"Amalia…"

"Joel, I said I get it." She said. "I'm vulnerable. I'm healing. I understand." She picked up her basket. "I just wanted to show my appreciation, but you're right. I'm sorry."

Joel followed her outside. "Amalia…"

"Joel, I don't want you to worry about me, okay? I'll be okay. You know why?" She waited for an answer that never came. "I have God." She nodded. "Goodnight. And hopefully we can do this again soon."

Just as she was leaving, the kids came back. "Hey, Joel!" Ellie called. She saw Amalia crossing the road. She didn't look like she was ready to talk, so she didn't say anything. Then she said goodbye to Jasmine and Darius. Jasmine hugged her before leaving with him. "Joel, I had to tell them."

"About Henry and Sam?" She nodded. "I did too."

"What? During your date?" She went inside an immediately went for the leftover apple pie.

"She mentioned The Wall. She had to know that they were praying for nothing."

"How'd she take it?"

He could only shrug. "Pretty bad, pretty good. She flip-flopped a lot." He sat down on the couch and sighed heavily.

"Yeah, I can only imagine." She sat next to him. "Darius was so upset. We had to pray about it."

"How'd we get roped into this?" He rubbed his face.

Ellie shook her head. "I think it's obvious." She said, putting the pie down. "It was God."

He looked at her for a second. "No, I think we just got unlucky."

"Joel, luck doesn't come with that strong of a message. Ever since that woman has stepped into this house, all I've been hearing and thinking about is God, Jesus, the Lord. Holy Ghosts, Holy Spirits…" She stopped. "Do you really think that's just a coincidence?"

"Yes." He said. "You wouldn't know, but back in my day, we'd have people just like her. They'd go around preaching this shit that doesn't make sense. Ellie, after everything you've been through, you can't tell me this makes sense. That God made all this happen."

She shrugged. "I don't know. I guess it doesn't make sense." She remembered what Darius said. How can God be so good and yet cause so much pain? "Maybe everything that happened was for the best. After all, we're here. We're safe and alive."

Joel frowned. "You know what? What you believe is fine. Just don't involve me in any of it."

He got up and was about to leave, but Ellie wouldn't let him. "This is bullshit. What do you mean by that?"

"Exactly what I said."

"You went to church with us, you went to The Wall. What changed?"

"Y'all wanted me to go so bad."

"You could've said no. No one pointed a gun at you and said you had to do that." He didn't say anything. "Why did you come with us if you didn't want to?"

"Ellie…"

"Why did you come?"

"Look. I gave it a shot like you wanted. And it's just not for me." He went towards the bathroom again.

"Fine. That's fair, I guess." Ellie put her plate in the sink before heading to the room. She stared at the bed as she closed the door. Was she supposed to get in it right away? Or was she supposed to get down on her knees? But maybe Joel was right. There was no point in speaking a few words to Someone that let this outbreak happen. But maybe Amalia was right. Maybe we needed Him more now than ever. Ellie wanted to believe. She wanted to believe that all of those people taken by the Cordyceps were happy in Heaven. That they're with their families.

She started on her knees with her elbows on the bed, praying like they do in the movies. "God… I want to know what to do. Give me a sign that You exist." She shook her head, thinking of something else to say. "Help me to understand." She sighed again. "God, I need this. You promised. I really hope You can hear this."

…

Nothing. "What if Joel's right? He's usually right about a lot of things." She remembered all the times she followed him, asking questions even if they annoyed him. With him, it was a direct and immediate response. At least it was faster than getting answers from God. "If I can just get one sign that you're out there, I would never question You again." She nodded. "Okay. Uh…amen."

She crawled into bed. She closed her eyes, but then she heard the water from the shower turn off. "Joel?" She waited for the bathroom door to open before she got out of bed. "Joel!"

He came out fully dressed, his hair was still wet. "What's wrong?"

She collected her thoughts. "I just wanted to say that I didn't mean to make you believe something you don't. I forgot that sometimes you have different beliefs from others. From me. I don't want anything to come between us." When she said it, her face was down.

"It won't." He said. "Like I said, religion is a touchy subject." She agreed. "Some people are scared, some are pressured into someone else's beliefs. Some just…"

"Need proof?"

That was a way to put it. "Yeah."

"Well, what do you think? Where do you stand?"

He pointed to the bed, telling her to go inside. "It's kind of hard to say." He made himself comfortable on his side.

"Can you try?" She sat next to him.

He looked at the ceiling where Jesus would be if this was a movie. "Well… Like I said, I believed that stuff was real. My family wasn't a churchgoing family, but we'd pray." There was a long silence as he remembered the people in his family. Ellie wanted to unpause the conversation, but he kept going. "We didn't pray as much as Amalia does. I don't know anyone who did. But when we prayed, it was because we were in trouble. We'd wonder why our prayers would never be answered, forget about it, and when trouble struck us, the cycle continued."

"I've never seen anyone pray." Ellie said. "I've only seen it on TV or in movies, but it was even rare then. The characters would always be in deep shit."

"Yeah, that happens."

"I've never prayed until Amalia showed me. She says the Bible says to pray ceaselessly."

"It does."

Ellie looked at him for a second. "Doesn't it feel scary though? I mean, we call Him Heavenly Father. If it turns out he isn't real, it's like we're orphans, right? No Heavenly Parents?"

Joel got comfortable again. By this point he was laying down with his hands folded right under his chest. "Well, yeah. I guess."

Ellie settled down, mirroring his position. "I've been trying to hear Him. I know it sounds crazy, but Amalia's always saying God told her this and God told her that… If Jesus is real, I want Him to do the same to me."

"That's what you want?"

"Yeah. Just to know…" She didn't finish it. "Joel, if you don't believe in God, what do you believe?"

He was silent for a while. He believed that her questions were too deep for him. "You really want to know?"

"Are you going to tell me?"

"Yeah." He mentally prepared himself. "I believe…that you ask too many questions."

"Joel."

"Alright. I don't believe God is… I don't know… I don't think He's real. But if He is, He ain't all good. If He was real, He's up there laughing at us, not helping us."

"Because of Sarah?"

He looked at her, she looked back.

"If things didn't happen the way it did, would you rather have her live to see what you've seen?" She turned over to face him. "Do you think that was part of the plan?"

"No." He mirrored her. "I don't. I think it was all part of some sick joke."

She shrugged. "Maybe… But you wouldn't have met me if you still had your daughter."

He lied on his back again. "That's a tough pill to swallow."

"I'm just glad you…chose me. I mean, not over her, but you know…"

That made him smile. "We're a team." He closed his eyes, taking in everything she said. "You said if things with Sarah didn't happen the way it did, it would be worse?"

She never broke her gaze from Joel. "She could've been infected." She said. "You could've had to put her down like Sam or Amalia's husband."

"Okay."

"Or Tess…"

"Ellie."

"I'm just saying."

"You've said enough."

Ellie finally rolled back to being on her back. "And I've been thinking… God made me immune. Why me?"

"Ellie, no. It's not your fault…"

"Out of all the people on this planet, only dozens of kids are immune. Why was I part of the lucky ones? And for the Fireflies to stop looking for a cure? What's that about?"

"I don't know…"

"And you know what kills me?" She faced him again. "I had to deal with so much. So much, Joel. I've seen so many people turn and die because of this and all of a sudden, there are _only_ dozens immune, and they stop looking for a cure. Do you know what that means?"

He was quiet.

"It means that I'm doomed to live with this." She settled back down. "And I can only thank God for it."

Joel faced her again. "Baby girl, you aren't doomed. We're safe here. Tommy and Maria are keeping this place safe for all of us."

"I'm just…so…" What was the word? "So…scared. It's not guaranteed. Anything could still happen, but I'll still be immune."

Joel reached over to squeeze her shoulder. "Like I said, we're a team. I'm not going anywhere."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

Ellie only nodded. "Okay." She chuckled a little. "This world is so fucked up, and we can only thank God."

"Damn straight."

They both stared at the ceiling again. It was a weird world, but out of it all, they were glad to be with each other. For a while, it was quiet. Eventually, Joel heard Ellie sleeping. Even after all the stress she was expressing, she was able to fall asleep soundly. Knowing she was okay helped him relax to a point where he was asleep too.

The sleep didn't last long as something was hitting the window. Ellie woke up with a gasp. Joel was already up and ready for action. "What the hell?" He asked.

"Hold on, Joel." Ellie said. "It's…" She sighed as she opened the window next to her.

"Ca-caw!"

She whistled back and closed the window again. "It's Jasmine."

"What are y'all up to?" He looked through the glass, but saw no one.

"She needs to talk to me." She said. "You know, girl talk." He was still giving her the most confused looks. "Just let me handle it. You go back to sleep."

He was still skeptical but got back into bed anyway. "If you say so."

Ellie gave him an everything-is-okay smile before closing the bedroom door. She grabbed her backpack and an apple and went out the door. "Jasmine?"

"Ellie, come on." She grabbed her hand and immediately started running. "I think we can still catch him."

"What's going on?" Ellie asked. "Who are we catching?" She was actually thankful that she wasn't running away from someone.

"Darius. I'll explain later…"

"Well, where'd he go?"

"He's going to The Wall." The whole time, she had Ellie's hand. It was as if the moment she lets go, she'd lose Ellie too. "Darius, stop!"

Darius was at The Wall already, trying to find a way to get through. He found the door, but he couldn't get it open. "I knew you were lying."

"You told him?" Ellie pieced together. "Even after you practically begged me not to?"

"He found out." She explained. "I wasn't going to, but…" She took out a key. "He really wanted to go. I'm sorry, I…"

"Just open it before someone sees." Darius said.

"Fine." She said pointedly before unlocking the door. "Come on."

As they went up the steps, Darius was too eager to get over that he was stomping briskly. Ellie hurried after him. "Dude, would you slow down? The stuff will still be there."

He didn't reply. Jasmine lowered the ladder and they went down. Darius was the first to get in the truck. "Do you even know where we're going?" Jasmine asked him.

"I know it's far." He started it. "Just point me in the direction."

"Let's just talk about this."

"Just tell me where I'm going!"

"That way."

The truck jerked before going faster than it should be. It didn't help that the road was no longer smooth. "Okay." Ellie finally said. "I'm going to need an explanation."

"Mama thinks that she's the boss of everything." He said. "Why does she always treat me like a kid?" He drove faster.

"Because you do stupid shit like this!" Jasmine said, gripping any part of the car that she could. "Are you trying to kill us?"

He unbuckled his seatbelt. "Sometimes I just want to…!"

"Stop!" Ellie yelped as they were fastly approaching a tree. He swerved around it in time, but he was lifting out of his seat too much for the girls' comfort.

"Everything has to be 'God this' and 'God that' that she doesn't even see her own son." He kept on. "She acts all good in front of everyone but the minute she doesn't hear what she wants, she goes crazy."

"Just stop the truck." Jasmine told him. "You can sit in the back and…"

"No! I'm tired of being in the backseat!"

"It's not that bad, really." Ellie said. "It has plenty of room and soft seating."

"Would you shut up?" He yelled. "This happened because of you!"

"Me? No, fuck you, man! You're the one who fucking woke me up to go outside Jackson just so you can be a dumbass! Now stop the goddamn car!" Just as she said it, Jasmine was in complete shock. They both were more surprised at the fact that he stopped. Jasmine hit her forehead on the dashboard as Ellie hung on to the passenger's seat.

"I didn't want any of you to come." He said once the car reached a stop. "I wanted to be alone, but Jasmine had to follow."

"Why?" She asked. "Why would you go alone? Don't you remember what's out there?"

"I do." Ellie saw two tears streaming down his face. "I wanted to…"

"What?" Jasmine asked tenderly.

He sighed and looked out the window. "I don't think I deserve to be here."

"In Jackson?"

"At all."

The silence was thick. Ellie looked at Jasmine to see if she knew what to say. She didn't. "You know, we all have these thoughts." Ellie finally spoke up. "And it's okay…"

"I just don't get it. We praise God for being happy and cheerful and yet…"

"You want to turn your back on Him the moment things get a bit rough." She finished for him. "If that was the case, if that's what we're supposed to do, we're in deep shit, right?" He never answered. "Because what I learned from these past few days is that we need to build a loving relationship with God. A relationship isn't all good. Sometimes you hear things you don't want to hear. We just need to grow and move on…"

"Don't make me sound like I'm being petty. I'm not." Darius gripped the wheel harder. "I'm just tired of the lies, the misconception. I'm tired of being talked down to for wanting to know the truth. I just…"

"Need proof?"

He looked at her through the mirror. "Yeah."

She sat back in the seat. "Darius, I know what it's like to feel insignificant. Believe me. It's awful. But that doesn't mean you'll always be that way. No matter what, you always find something to fight for."

"And you're not insignificant." Jasmine finally spoke up. "I need you. Your mom needs you. We all love you."

He sighed. He mumbled something before getting out. Jasmine watched him go from one side of the car to the other before sliding over to the driver's seat. "Ready?" She asked once he was on the other side.

Darius didn't say anything. He closed the door and immediately leaned to his side, not bothering to put on his seatbelt.

Jasmine was able to get back on the right path with no problem. She went back to humming as if it was just her in the car. Every now and again, she's sing "Glory hallelujah, glory hallelujah to the lamb…"

Ellie was able to sit back and get her apple out of her backpack. But before she could take a bite, the truck jerked, making it fall by Darius's feet. "Goodbye, apple." She sighed.

"What happened?" Darius asked.

"It's an old truck. It does that." Jasmine explained. "Here we are."

Ellie got out to see the same building they were in the last time. A chill went through her when she remembered how terrified Jasmine was when she killed that bandit. "Hey, about this whole…stealing thing, should we really be doing this?"

The others weren't paying attention. Jasmine was pointing towards the entrance. "There it is. Get whatever you want."

"That's it?" She nodded. "That's all you do?"

"What more is there?"

He shrugged. "I don't know… I thought you actually did stuff."

Ellie followed them in. "Anyone else getting a bad feeling about this? Maybe we should head back."

"Why are you so nervous all of a sudden?" Jasmine asked. "It's fine. And you have your weapons. We'll be fine."

"No, I mean…" She shook her head. "Never mind. If any of you guys see a clock, it's mine."

"Sure." Darius answered before they separated.

Ellie kept a lookout as the kids looked around. Something in the back of her mind was nagging her to turn around. They shouldn't be there. The hunters that were there before were very likely to be there again. She loaded her gun. She wiped the blood off her knife. She listened closely.

As she was walking around, she stopped by a carousel. It was rusted and some of the horses were broken off. The moment she touched the wood of the dully colored horse, she lost her breath. She felt a strange warmth within her, pulling her towards the seat.

"Kinda makes you wish the power was still on, huh?" Jasmine asked with already a duffle bag full.

She stared around at the rest of the store. It wasn't the huge mall, so why was she seeing it? The escalator was there. The broken signs were there. Riley was… She shook her head and got off. "No… No…" She kept saying as she got back on the ground.

"Are you okay?" She asked, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Uh…yeah…" She said.

Jasmine smiled and gave her a hug. It was tight and motherly like Amalia's. It was as if she knew that she needed it. "You just seem a little…off since we got here."

"I'm just…" She stopped when she saw a shadow run by in the distance. She waited to see if it would move again.

"What?" Jasmine looked behind her. "Is someone here?"

Ellie was pulled into checking it out. She moved slowly. Jasmine carefully went backwards to find cover. But on the other side of the wall where the shadow disappeared, Ellie didn't find anything. She reached for her water gun but she forgot she didn't have it. When she noticed she was alone, she sat down, hugging her knees. She sighed before tucking her head into her little ball.

 _Ellie…_

Red and green figures danced around the darkness of her eyelids. It was mostly darkness. Sometimes it was completely dark.

 _Rise… She's safe._

The red figures turned brighter. They turned orange then yellow then white. It was like someone was shining a light in her face.

 _Rise…_

"Ellie!" Jasmine called. "Where's Darius?"

"There are kids in here." Someone called.

 _Stand…_

The light was nearly blinding now. The warmth was coming in from her stomach again. She felt someone touch her shoulder.

 _She's safe._

Ellie gasped. "Jasmine?" She got up and hurried to her friend. "Where's Darius?"

"I don't know." She whispered. "But they're back. We have to get out of here."

She nodded. "Don't worry. I'll find us a way out, but if I take out anyone, you can't get mad alright?"

"But…"

"Stop!" They heard Darius cry. "Let me go!"

"Shit." Ellie peaked around to see what she could.

"There!" Jasmine pointed to one of the hunters. He had Darius in a chokehold and a knife pointing at his neck.

"Oh man…" Ellie already started heading towards the trouble.

"Who are you here with, kid?" The guy asked, pushing the knife against his flesh.

"No one." He said. "Let me go, please!"

"Get off him!" Ellie stabbed his back to get him to let go. Then she went for the neck. Then in between the eyes, making sure he was dead. A gun shot fired. The kids went down.

Jasmine pushed over a clothing rack on one of them, allowing her to escape and find Darius. "What now?" He asked.

Two more shots fired. "We get out of here." Ellie said. "Darius, get the truck. Jasmine, the clothes. I'll stick behind."

"This is stupid." Darius said. "We should be the ones protecting you."

"Oh yeah? Where's your weaponry, buddy?" Ellie didn't hear an answer. "Alright then." She took out her gun. "Let's go. Lead the way."

But there were more than last time. Three guys surrounded the exit. Four guys scavenged the place. At least five of those guys had guns. Darius maneuvered to the nearest counter. "Can we distract them?" He asked.

Ellie grabbed a brick and chucked it as far as she could. A few of them looked to see what it was. Right when they did, she shot two of the guarding hunters before they ducked. Jasmine had her ears covered again, mumbling to herself. One man came closer to them, probably hearing the small whispers from her lips. But Ellie was ready for him. The second his nose poked around the corner, she forced the switchblade between the eyes.

Someone else heard the screams. He cautiously walked towards his fallen teammate. He was greeted with a shot to the chest, stomach, and throat. Dead. The others hit the ground. She took that moment to dig through the guys' pockets for ammo.

"What are you waiting for?" Ellie asked once she was done. "Find us a way out of here."

Darius nodded, and crawled from under the counter. He waited until everything was clear before heading towards the exit. As they kept crawling, Ellie had her gun pointed out. No one was going to hurt them. This time, she was going to protect her no matter what.

"There's one more by the door." He said. "You got this?"

"Yeah." Ellie said. She grabbed another fallen brick. "I need to go around. Once I take him, we're going to have to run." They both agreed. Ellie hurried to the shelf closest to the hunter. "Hey, fuck face!" She threw the brick at his face and started stabbing. The moment his weight fell to the ground, the three of them burst through the door.

"Hey!"

Four more guys came rushing out. Two had guns. Ellie shot them as many times, but it was hard to aim and run. Seven shots later, they went down. "We can outrun them." She told them. "But we have to move."

Darius jumped into the car and started it. The girls hurried and jumped into the bed of the truck. Ellie took aim and shot a few more times as Jasmine lied down to catch her breath. "We made it." She said. "We made it."

Ellie lied down next to her. "I'm sorry." She said. "I know that probably wasn't the best for you."

"Are you kidding? They could've killed Darius. He was making so much noise too. They could've killed him on the spot, but you came just in time."

Ellie shook her head and looked at the stars. "How am I going to explain to Joel why I'm covered in blood?"

She sighed. "I'll tell him it was all my fault."

"He won't believe you." She said. "You, your whole family, are too good."

She shrugged. "I don't think I'm too good. I'm just sorta good."

"No. You're a great friend. You saved Darius's life. That's more than sorta good."

She giggled. "Thank you."

Ellie took a breath and reached a hand towards Jasmine's curls. She pushed one of the locks behind her ear to see more of her face. "You're so pretty. Did you know that?" She asked genuinely.

Jasmine giggled again as she sat up. "You know what else is pretty? This night."

"Yeah." Ellie sat against the rear window. She wanted to apologize for the slight flirtation, but there was a chance she didn't notice. "So… Got anything cool? Where's my clock?"

She gave her a smile and unzipped her bag. "It's a digital one." She said. "So it may get a bit tricky to put in the exact time."

"Wouldn't it be tricky anyhow?"

She shrugged. "Probably. But we'll figure it out."

"Sweet."

"Hey, can I do your hair? I want to style it since it's going to be a while."

She nodded. "Okay."

Jasmine worked her fingers in, combing gently. Ellie thought of letting go. But if she did, the memories would lose their meaning. Was it worth it? She wanted to see Jasmine, but there wasn't a mirror to see from. She wasn't Riley. There was no way she could be replaced.

"Did you hear me?" She asked.

Ellie saw that she was looking at her. "What?"

"I asked if you learned that killing stuff from military school."

"Some of that, yeah. Most of it I learned from watching Joel." That's when she remembered how mad he'd be when they got there.

The truck slowed to its parking spot. "I'm done." Jasmine said.

Ellie checked the side mirror. Her hair was in a Dutch side braid that started from the top and hung over her shoulder. It was still pretty loose which gave it plenty of room to move. "Damn, girl!"

She pulled out the bangs in front. "There. Now it's a little more…Ellie."

Darius took the bag from the back. "Let me carry it. It probably weighs a ton."

"Thanks."

He helped both of them out of the trunk. That's when he saw all the blood on Ellie. "You slayed tonight."

"Thanks…I think." She said.

The second they approached The Wall, several lights shown on them at once. Rifles and shotguns were even pointed at them. "Drop the bag and state your business." A familiar voice said.

The kids raised their hands. "I'm sorry." Jasmine spoke up. "We were going for a drive outside the city."

"Wait a minute." They said. "Ellie?"

Ellie shielded her eyes a squinted to see that it was Maria. "Um…hi."

"How the hell did you kids get outside?"

They looked at each other. "I have Connor's key." Jasmine admitted.

"Jasmine!" The guy, Connor, exclaimed in an accusing manner.

"I'm sorry, baby. I was raised by a church." She said. Ellie couldn't help but glance at her. Baby?

Maria shot him a look. "You gave her your key?" She asked. " _The_ key?" He didn't answer. "We'll talk about this later. All of you, inside." She tossed down the rope latter. "If you can climb the latter to get out, you can climb it to get in. No need to get everyone's hopes up by opening it."

"Yes, ma'am." Jasmine and Darius said.

"And bring the bag."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thank you for coming back! This is the last chapter, which means I would definitely enjoy your feedback on it. Whether it's this chapter alone or the story overall, I hope you enjoy! Also, if you want a sequel, let me know. I have an idea, but I'd write it if anyone wants to read it.

Chapter Five

The three kids were escorted to the high school. Ellie thought of it as them as rebels going to the principal's office. Eventually, they're going to get a phone call home. But they were taken to another office. There were salvaged crosses and a damaged picture of Jesus. Ellie already had an idea of whose office it was.

"Wait here." Maria said. She took the bag from Darius and closed the door.

Darius sighed loudly. "I can't believe I got us into trouble."

"I'm the one who told you. It's my fault." Jasmine said.

"And your boyfriend didn't even want to help us." Ellie rolled her eyes. She hoped Jasmine would expand on the whole boyfriend thing.

"He's so done with me." She said. "It's not like he's going to love me after this. I could get him fired."

"Could?" Darius asked. "He's definitely going to get fired. And us? This is our second strike. And if they found out about the hole in the hall…"

"Stop it." Ellie said. "It's not like you've never gotten into trouble before. Just take it easy."

"Easy for you to say." He said. "You can get anyone to fall in love with you."

Ellie crossed her arms. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"That you got Mama bending over backwards for you. She made me pick apples for you. She even told us not to wear you out. We had to make sure we do everything to keep you safe and happy."

"You say that like it's my fault."

"I'm saying that you're going to get off scot-free while we get punished."

"Okay. Now you're being a dick." She said to end the conversation.

Darius sighed. "It's just that…she said 'Shut your unfaithful mouth. Don't let anyone hear you say that, especially Ellie.' It's not like she cares what I think anyway."

Ellie could've refused to contribute. She could've just stayed silent. But he was trying. "Look. I'm sorry your mom is worried about me, but she only does because she saw me at my weakest. The day she first saw me, I was shaking and could barely even open my eyes. Joel had to find me medicine and she was the only one awake to watch me and make sure I didn't die. Maybe she…saw something in me. I don't know. She prayed hard for me. Maybe she just wants it to come true. It has nothing to do with me. It has nothing to do with you."

The whole time, Darius was nodding as she spoke. "I get it."

"And she only worried about me because, at the time, only at the time," she made sure that part was clear, "I was someone to worry about. But you, you are always there for her. She doesn't need to constantly worry about you because you're fine."

He nodded. "Yeah, I get it." He said again. "I'm sorry."

The door finally opened. Just as Ellie predicted, it was Pastor Gina. "Well, well, well…" She said. "It's pretty rare for me to get, not one, not two, but three people to talk to." She took her seat at her desk. "I bet you're wondering why they sent me instead of your parents." No one answered. "It's pretty much what I used to do before the Outbreak. I talk to people through dark times to help them towards the light. Now, Maria said you were on a shopping spree. Who wants to tell me about that?"

"Um, I have to." Jasmine said. "I'd go over The Wall to get clothes for me and my family."

"You weren't happy with the clothes we have here?"

"Well, that's the thing." She shifted in her seat. "There was nothing in my size, so I complained to Connor. He let me go with him when he was assigned to scavenge for some supplies. He showed me a few stores and an abandoned military base."

"That's pretty far from here. You two would go all that way?" She nodded. "And have you ever gone Outside alone?" She nodded again. "And you've been getting clothes ever since?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Why?"

She gave a slight shrug. "There are just so many left behind."

"And I'm sure you thought of the consequences."

"I did."

"Because you could get infected." She said. "If not that, raped or murdered. It's a cruel world out there."

"Yes, ma'am." She said. "I've been getting the town's clothes for months. And it's my fault that Ellie and Darius went with me."

Pastor Gina nodded. "Okay. Good segue. Why did you two go with her?"

"Protection mostly." She answered for them.

That made her frown. "You know your parents are on their way, and you're in my office. I suggest you tell the truth."

It was Ellie who spoke up first. "I practically begged her to take me. I wanted to protect her, honestly."

Darius took a breath. "I wanted to escape." When he said it, his lip quivered. "I feel…so guilty, Pastor."

She leaned in. "Now we're getting somewhere. Ladies, can I talk to Darius alone?"

"Yes, ma'am." Jasmine picked Ellie up from her seat and went to the hallway.

* * *

Joel woke up to the knocking. He gave a loud, painful sigh as he got up and rubbed his face. He stumbled to the doorway before he could fully wake up. "I'm coming." The knocking continued until he opened it. "Tommy?"

He was looking generally concerned. "It's about Ellie."

"What happened?" He saw Amalia and Dusty being called out by Maria. "Where are they?"

"They're safe." Tommy said. "Ellie, Jasmine, and Darius were Outside. They were caught trying to break back in, so we had them taken to Pastor Gina."

"Why her?" He asked, already following him.

"She has a way with words. We want to get an explanation before we take any action."

He shook his head. "But why her?" Joel heard what his brother said, but it wasn't clicking. Why Pastor Gina? He didn't know what she was doing to them. He didn't know her or what kind of pastor she was.

"I'm so sorry, Joel." Amalia said. "I don't want to make assumptions, but I'm guessing it has to do with Darius. He was pretty upset last night and… He probably took those girls out."

"Let's just see what Pastor Gina says." Tommy said.

"Jasmine admitted she got the key from Connor." Maria told them. "We need to decide what to do with him."

"Besides ban him from Wall Duty?" Tommy scoffed. "That kid."

"You're telling me my Jasmine started this?" Dusty asked.

"It doesn't matter who started it." Maria said. "All three kids were part of something serious."

"All of them are at fault." Joel added. But it didn't matter what happened after Tommy said they were safe. He was just curious as to why. What was out there that made Ellie want to go back?

In Pastor Gina's office, Darius came out with tears dripping down his face. He didn't bother wiping them as he walked out like she took his soul. "Ellie, can you come here please?" She asked.

Ellie started feeling nervous, wondering what she said to him. He was already not in a good place when they left him. Now, he looked lifeless. She stepped inside anyway and closed the door behind her like she was told.

"Go ahead and have a seat." She did. "So, Ellie, tell me about yourself. I don't think we got to talk face-to-face before."

She wanted to have her guard up but there was no reason. She was a pastor. "I grew up in Boston. I've been in military preparatory schools since I can remember."

"The Quarantine Zone?" She asked. "You attended school there?"

She nodded.

"How did you get past the wall? Don't they have really great security?"

She nodded again. "They do." She said, thinking of something good to say. "I was put under someone else's care."

"Whose?"

"Joel."

"Why?"

"I got kicked out." It was a natural response, but it was basically true. "He was supposed to take me to the next school."

"How'd you get kicked out? Did you try to escape before?"

She shook her head. "I was caught in a very restricted area."

"How restricted?"

"There were Infected in there, so pretty restricted."

The face she made was a mix of confusion and concern. "Were you alone?"

Ellie's head slowly sank. "No."

"Who was with you?"

"My best friend, Riley."

"She didn't make it out, did she?"

"Does this have anything to do with me going over The Wall?" She asked without hesitation.

She laughed. "Don't worry. I'll get to that in a bit. I just want to talk for a second." Ellie didn't reply. "If it helps, I can tell you a bit about myself." She agreed. "Okay, so… I was born in Houston, Texas. I was raised in the church. My family was pretty… Let's just say they did the bare minimum whenever they had the chance. We'd go to church every Sunday, but we'd never go to Bible Study, we'd never go to special conferences, nothing. So I didn't get really in touch with God until college. That's when some of the first cases of the Cordyceps were discovered. Guess who got infected first."

"Your family?"

"Bingo." She said. "I remember praying for forgiveness of my sins, that I will fully commit if He doesn't take me. At nineteen, it's pretty damaging. It's scary to see everything fall apart. I thought it was because of how we never really took God seriously that he struck us first. But who knows? Only He does. Now, Ellie, can you tell me if Riley was like that?"

She shook her head. "She wanted to help."

"Was she in the preparatory school too?"

"She was…before becoming a Firefly." She felt almost uncomfortable sharing it. She hadn't even told Joel this much detail. But Pastor Gina was more understanding. At least, that's what she told herself. "She wanted to see me one last time before she was taken across the country. So we snuck out."

"Whose idea was it?"

"Hers."

She didn't say anything for a while. "Ellie, earlier you told me that you went with Jasmine because you wanted to protect her. Is it because you didn't want her to suffer the way Riley did?"

She looked her in the eyes. She knew everything before she did. "I don't want anyone to suffer the way she did."

"But mostly Jasmine." She didn't reply. "When's the last time you talked to a girl your age?"

"Riley was older."

"Oh. So is Jasmine, right?"

She nodded.

"You're a good friend, Ellie. Did you know that? I'm sure you'd protect Joel if he was ever in trouble too, right?"

"I have." She started playing with her fingers again.

"And I want to ask you another question. You said military schools like you were in more than one. And you were kicked out of this one and had to have Joel take you out to another one. So you have a history of not following orders?"

"I guess you can say that."

"Would you like to expand on that?"

She shrugged. "I don't know how." But she tried. "I didn't get along well with others."

"People can be hard to trust. Did you trust Joel the first time you met?" She shook her head. "Why not? He seems like a good guy."

"He was only doing it to get paid."

"That's it?"

She thought a bit harder. "I guess it was because…he took me away."

"Now we're getting somewhere. He took you out of your familiar space so you didn't trust him. That's common with a lot of kids I've worked with. You've been moving around so much, it's easy to become untrusting. But when you do, you have to hang onto those you care for before they disappear."

She looked down completely now. "Yeah. That would explain it."

"Do you believe that God has put the right people in your life?" She stood up when Ellie never answered. "I want to pray over you before you become indifferent."

Joel saw Darius and Jasmine the second he turned down the hallway. Before he could say something to them, Amalia pushed past him. "Boy, you really done it now, didn't you?" She scolded. "Why would you do this and put these poor girls in danger like that? What were you thinking?"

"Mama, Pastor Gina wants to speak to you before we leave." He said as calmly as he could.

"Where's Ellie?" Joel asked.

"She's in there." Jasmine pointed to the door.

Joel knocked politely. So far, nothing. He put his ear at the door. All he could hear was mumbling. He listened harder. "God, release Ellie of her past demons and set her free…!" He didn't hesitate to see what was going on.

Ellie was on her knees. Her hands were together in a praying position. Her eyes closed. Pastor Gina had one hand on Ellie's shoulder and the other on her forehead. Joel could've intervened. He could've put a stop to the whole thing, but he just watched Ellie. She seemed to take everything in.

"Lord, forgive her for the blood she has shed. We need You to cleanse her soul. We need You to make her clean, from the crown of her head to the sole of her feet. Wash wisdom and guidance over her, Father. She needs You because You are a forgiving God." Her hand pressed a little harder against Ellie's forehead. "Lord, shine light on her path. Let her see Your love. Ellie, stand up. Do you feel Jesus's love right here? Do you feel loved?"

She helped Ellie to her feet. Her eyes were still closed. "Yeah." She said. "I do."

Pastor Gina embraced her tightly. "God bless you." That's when they saw Joel there. "Joel, hi." He couldn't say anything. "Here. Sit down. Let Ellie explain."

He did. Ellie sat next to him. "So we were on the other side, getting a bunch of stuff from this abandoned military base. Jasmine wanted to go by herself unarmed, so I went with her. It wasn't like I wanted to disobey you or any rules here. I just wanted her to be okay. And Darius went with us because he wanted to end his life. By the time we found out, we were already too far. I don't want this to be the thing that comes between us because it was a stupid thing. And…"

Joel gave her a pat on the knee. "It's okay." Then he said to Pastor Gina, "Are we done here?"

She nodded. "We're done." Joel was already getting up and pushing Ellie towards the exit. "And Joel, it wouldn't hurt to listen to her a bit more. I know Ellie isn't going to come out and tell you everything, but there's a lot of subtext with her. Ellie, you can learn to be a little more honest too."

They looked at each other. "I'll keep that in mind." He said.

As they were leaving, they saw Amalia hurry in with Darius. Her face was twisted like she wanted to cry and yell. "I'm so sorry about the whole thing, everyone. I promise I'll…"

"Sit down, Amalia. And close the door." Pastor said. "We're going to talk."

The door slowly closed behind them. Dusty and Jasmine were going back and forth with Connor's name being tossed around. Joel kept his beeline for the door. The whole time he was thinking of Ellie in the praying position. It was like Pastor Gina was expelling her demons. And what did Ellie tell her that she couldn't tell him?

He looked down at her. There was plenty of room for Jesus between them. Even if they promised nothing would tear them apart, there was the God card. And Joel couldn't compete with that.

They walked quietly. The sun was barely poking into the horizon. The sky was starting to get blue again. "Am I in trouble?" Ellie asked. "No one ever said."

"Don't know yet." He said. "Now, I'ma tell you that I'm not a fan of what you did. You said you were talking to Jasmine but then you're going outside The Wall with them. I don't know how you could do that considering all we went through to get here."

"Yeah, I know." She said. "But what could I have…?"

"You could've told me, or Dusty even. You could've told her…" He saw her look away. What did Pastor Gina tell him again? "You know what? It looks like you really pulled through for them."

That made her glow. "You would've been surprised. I was calling the shots. I was like 'Darius, get the truck! Jasmine, get the bag! I'll take out these guys!' And I did all by myself!"

"They didn't help?"

"Pfft. I made sure they got out safe and I made the path for them. It was just how you showed me."

He gave her a pat on the back. "Well alright then."

"And um…" She stopped walking. "I told Pastor Gina that you took me out of Boston QZ because I got kicked out of school."

"Not bad."

"But it wasn't true, and I kind of feel bad for lying. But when she prayed over me, I felt…forgiven." She must've heard him sigh because she said "I know you're tired of hearing it, but I had to talk about it. Before you came in, she said this was going to be the last day of my old life. And…"

"Stop." He said. "I know that's what you don't want to hear, but you need to calm down with all this. It's getting into your head and stressing you out."

"You know what? I'm so tired of you and Darius pinning me against a wall about this. Why can't I at least try to understand?"

"Darius?"

"I want to believe, Joel. I have to! I want to believe freely without someone doubting me."

"Hold on. I'm not doubting anything."

"Oh really?" She scoffed. "Ellie, are you sure you want to go to The Wall? Ellie, are you sure you want to go to church? Ellie, are you sure about this?"

"I was just making sure you knew what you wanted."

"And it doesn't help that you're so down on it." She said. "I know you don't mean to, but you are. And I don't know what to do anymore."

He started their walk again. "There's nothing you need to do. You've done enough." He sighed. "You're right. I could be more supportive."

When she heard it, her eyes widened. "Are you apologizing?"

"Uh…yeah."

She smirked. "Well, then if I go through this spiritual journey, I promise not to make you uncomfortable with the details."

Joel nodded at her attempt to compromise. "Then it's settled."

She nodded too. "Oh, hey! I got us something. Well, that is…shit. It's still in that bag."

"I'll get it back."

"It was a clock. So we don't have to just guess what time it is."

They were quiet again. "It's getting warmer." He noted. "Maybe I can finally teach you to swim."

"Yeah." She went inside the house.

Joel stayed on the porch, staring out. All he could think of was Ellie. She's seen Jesus more in the past few days than Joel has in his life. She was immune. She was chosen. But Joel was like Tess said: shitty people. And what made him shittier was the objection to miracles. Was he wrong? If Amalia didn't come into their life that day, would Ellie have the chance to grow spiritually? Would he still have to separate from her as their journeys follow different paths?

He got out his guitar and started playing. The notes were simple at first. It then turned into a specific melody. Ellie was going to go through changes, he knew that was certain. She was going to change her bad habits, her way of speaking, her choices. She was already a good person in his eyes. She was always willing to help. She was always open. She didn't need change, but she needed reason. To this strange world, she was lost. He knew that for sure. She was fifteen and she was going to grow older. The last thing she needed was to stay questioning like he did. He would eventually have to let her go even if it was for a spiritual journey, building a loving relationship with God.

But he also knew that God had a way with making things work against him. He knew that God made people appear and disappear without warning. He remembered that meant the right people would come in and the wrong people would go away. How would he stay a right person?

Joel stopped for a second. Is he the right person? He saved her life and brought her to safety. He had to have been. He started playing again. But if he wasn't the right person, how would God make him leave her? He can't. Joel was too determined to stay even if that meant somehow disobeying God. He had to stay with her. God wouldn't put her in his life if it wasn't to protect her.

But he knew that he couldn't protect her forever. She didn't even need him when they went Outside. Soon, she'd defend herself just as well as he could. No, he didn't want to think of it. But his mind kept returning back. Ellie already left him behind spiritually. She said it herself: they were a team. She wouldn't do it physically. But if what they said was right and that the spirit moves the body, he'd be in trouble.

She's going to know he wasn't a good person. The more she learned the ways of Christ, the more she's going to know Joel was nowhere near good. She's going to want to leave for someone or someplace more holy, he thought. She wouldn't want anything to do with him.

But if she truly loved him the way he loved her, she'd stay anyway. They went through so much, watching each other's backs, surviving. There was no way she'd leave so easily. She knew he wasn't good. But she also didn't know how bad he was. How he lied.

Amalia and Darius came back. They were holding hands until they got to the front of the house. Darius let go and went inside. Joel could tell that she wanted to hold on a bit longer as her hand trailed off. She kept the reach for a second after the chain broke.

She turned around to hear Joel playing. It was as if the music pulled her in. "My hallelujah belongs to You." She sang. "My hallelujah belongs to you."

He kept playing the tune as she repeated the lines.

 _My hallelujah belongs to You_

 _My hallelujah belongs to You_

 _You deserve it, You deserve it_

 _You deserve it, You deserve it_

He wasn't sure if the melody matched up with the words, but he repeated the simple chords as she sang. And as she did, she walked closer to a point where she had both hands on his shoulders. Joel finally felt the connection.

 _Hallelujah, hallelujah_

 _Hallelujah, hallelujah_

 _All the glory, all the honor_

 _All the praise_

 _You deserve it, You deserve it_

 _You deserve it, You deserve it_

She finished the song by repeating the first verse. When she did, Joel noticed the tears in her eyes. "Darius…lost his faith. And I think it's my fault."

He could tell she went on the same rant he did with himself. "It happens." He said.

"He lost his cousins and his faith in the same week." She chuckled. "I don't want that kind of burden on him." She sat in the chair next to him, quiet.

Joel put the guitar down. "Amalia, Darius will be fine."

"You sure?"

He nodded. "Yeah. You're whole family believes just like you. He'll come around."

"I don't want him to because everyone else is doing it. I want him to when he's ready."

"He'll be ready." She gave him a smile. "Just give it time."

She gave another small laugh as she wiped her eyes. "Kids, am I right?"

"You're telling me." He laughed too. "One minute they're asking permission to go to the Children's Center, next they're breaking in and out of Jackson."

"Really! Sometimes they think. Sometimes." She said.

Dusty and Jasmine came back. Jasmine was stomping off as Dusty was just as angry behind her. "Looks like they both got in trouble." He commented.

"Like little kids." She laughed. "The very first time we met, do you remember?"

He gave a slight shrug. "I'm sure you're going to tell me."

"You and Ellie just moved in. The first thing I did was introduce myself. Remember?"

"Yeah…"

"I was so happy to see you and I didn't know why."

"That's where the praying came in?"

She nodded. "You know me." She giggled. "I don't want to call it love at first sight, but I asked God anyway."

"That's when He told you I was broken."

"Yep. And you know what else? I think we can all use a little mending." She said.

"Amen to that."

"And I also think that we didn't get much of a chance." When she said it, it sort of caught him off guard. He turned to her to explain. "Every time we try to get together, we get interrupted. I don't want this to be the end for us."

"It won't." He said, remembering his promise to reschedule their date.

This time, she came over to him. She kissed him gently. It got him curious all over again. But just as he wondered, she whispered "I'll tell you went to stop."

Without saying a word, he held her hand and guided her into the house. He didn't even acknowledge Ellie on the couch. He took Amalia into the bedroom to get to know her better. But it didn't get far. He laid her down and kissed her neck. They made out like high schoolers until she told him to stop.

"I'm sorry. I just…" She giggled before she could finish, which got Joel laughing too.

"Too much?"

"Too much." She said, calming down. "I don't know how I had a son."

He took her hand, rubbing it with his thumb in tiny circles. "I guess we'll just take it slow."

* * *

"Joel, are you ready?" Joel heard Ellie from the other room.

He sighed, rising from the couch. "Yeah."

She came out of the bedroom fully dressed with her hair brushed. "Church was crazy today. The choir was singing this song that was all loud and crazy that people started running around the whole auditorium. What did Amalia call it? Catching laps? Or just running laps. Anyway, it was crazy."

"I'm just relieved you didn't need me."

"No way." She scoffed. "You would've seen me crying. Not a good look."

"You?"

"Yeah. Pastor Gina wasn't playing around!"

Joel pointed to the TV stand where their little digital clock was. "Got it hooked up and working."

"Sweet." She said. "Is it really four-twelve?"

"Time flies when you're doing hard time." Cleaning the auditorium, distributing the clothes, and taking a class about the dangers of Outside. All in one day.

"Tell me about it." She grabbed her bag. "Let's go before they start without us."

"They ain't gonna start without us." He got off the couch and followed her outside. It was actually her that knocked on their door instead of the other way around.

Joel couldn't help but to smile at how excited she was. The last time she was like that, she was running to see the giraffes. He kept his eyes on her until Amalia opened the door. "Hi! You guys ready?"

"Yes, ma'am!" Ellie said.

"Come on, y'all!" She called to her family. "Let's go!"

It wasn't long before the rest came with baskets ready. The walk was calm. Joel took note of all the footprints before them. So many were on the same path they were going. He saw how far the kids were. He couldn't even hear what they were saying anymore.

"Here." Darius was pointing. "That's where we'd pick all the apples. Everyone usually goes somewhere else, but these are always perfect."

"Ever went picking before?" Amalia asked him.

"No, I actually haven't." He said.

"What?" Ellie had to ask. "Something Joel's never done?"

"That's right." He said, taking the basket from her. "So you get the apples and I'll hold 'em."

"Alright." She said. They walked to the first tree. "Boost me up."

As he did, he squinted his eyes at the sunlight. She reached up to a branch she could hang onto. He helped her up with one last push. By the time she was up, she was fine. In fact, the first thing she did was take an apple bigger than her hand and chomp into it.

"Save some for the basket, kiddo." He told her.

"But they're so good! I don't think they're going to make it home."

Eventually, some started falling into the basket. Now he wished some other things fell into place. He wanted her to be happy. That's what was the most important to him. He only hoped that if she decides to leave him, she'd let him down gently. Maybe slowly distance themselves before separating entirely. But that wasn't guaranteed with the lie hanging over them. One day she's going to know how bad he was. She might even resent him…unless he changed his life with her.

"Hey!" Ellie climbed higher. "There's water way over there!"

"Oh yeah!" Jasmine said. "There's a lake that way. We went swimming there all summer last year."

"Can we see it?" She asked, climbing down.

Joel was too busy making sure she didn't fall to answer. But she was fine. "Fine with me." He said.

Almost immediately, the kids took off. The water wasn't too far. It was actually within a good walking distance. It was clear and calm, which was so inviting. Ellie enjoyed the view for a while. She sat down, hearing all the sounds nature made. Joel sat next to her.

"How deep is it?" She asked.

"It's not too deep." Darius said. "But it's deep enough."

Jasmine went close enough to touch the water. "It feels pretty good." She took off her shoes and let the water cleanse her feet.

"Kids, these apples are going to bake if we don't get them inside." Amalia said, shielding her eyes from the reflecting light.

Ellie started pulling off her shoes too. She took everything out of her pocket: her key, her switchblade, and her apple core. She stood up and ran straight to the water. The kids were excited when they heard her feet splash until they were completely submerged. She spread out her arms and fell backwards into the water.

"Ellie?" Joel rushed over to the edge when she didn't come up as quickly as she went down. But then she surfaced, fully soaked and washed over.

"C'mon in! The water's great!" She said.

Darius took off his shirt and shoes before jumping in after her. Jasmine followed him slowly but surely. "Kids, no!" Amalia called after them. "We didn't bring towels! You're going to…"

"Easy." Joel told her. "Let them learn their lesson."

"Come on, Mama!" Darius waved.

"Yeah, come on!" Jasmine called next.

She looked at him for advice. Joel just gave her a don't-worry-about-me grin. "Only if you come with me." She said, holding his hand.

But she was already ahead of him. She was pulling him in. Her feet were already wet. Eventually, she let go. Amalia and Ellie were both soaked. Joel stood there. In between. It was where he had been for a while. The others were having fun. It was great to just watch.

"Joel, are you coming?" Ellie asked, reaching a hand. "Show me how to swim."

He nodded only because he made the promise. He took off his shoes and walked in. The water was cool as it lifted his shirt. He went under the surface. The darkness of his eyelids was accompanied by the red and green figures. Then the figures got brighter. Orange and yellow. Yellow and white. It was only weird because the sun was at a different position than the white figures.

 _Daddy?_

He came up for a good gulp of air. The first thing he saw was Ellie smiling at him. "Alright! I got you in the water!"

He gave a small laugh as he noticed the air was easier to breathe. "Yeah, you did."


	6. Credits?

This is not a chapter in the story. The story is over, but I thought I should include a song list for anyone who's interested (or think that I came up with all those lyrics). It's one of my biggest problems with the story that the songs I used mostly came after 2013, when the Outbreak happened. These are the songs that impacted me as I was writing, and I felt they matched the story and the theme a bit better. Plus, I don't know that many that came before that time since I just joined a church. Anyway, enough of my rambling. Here's the list of songs I used.

Songs Used

 _"_ _You Deserve It" by J.J. Hairston_

 _"_ _Made a Way" Travis Greene_

 _"_ _Fly Again" by Sound of Blackness_

 _"_ _I Need You" by Donnie McClurkin_

 _"_ _Worth" by Anthony Brown_

Again, I really hope you enjoyed the story. Thank you for reading.


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